Etiquette, manners, and beyond! In this episode, Nick and Leah tackle enjoying petit fours, visiting New York City, tracking down perishable gifts, and much more. Please follow us! (We’d send you a hand-written thank you note if we could.)
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EPISODE CONTENTS
•
AMUSE-BOUCHE: Mignardises and Petit Fours
•
A QUESTION OF ETIQUETTE: New York City Etiquette
•
QUESTIONS FROM THE WILDERNESS: How do I respond to unsolicited encouragement from a stranger after a fitness class? How should I handle a perishable gift that’s been delayed in the mail?
•
VENT OR REPENT: Rude taxi drivers, Stealing laundry carts
•
CORDIALS OF KINDNESS: Using luggage racks, Thanks for joining us at our recent live show
THINGS MENTIONED DURING THE SHOW
• Parts of a French meal (https://guide.michelin.com/sg/en/article/dining-out/tutorial-french-fine-dining-rituals-decoded-copy1)
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CREDITS
Hosts: Nick Leighton (https://www.nickleighton.com/) & Leah Bonnema (https://www.leahbonnema.com/)
Producer & Editor: Nick Leighton (https://www.nickleighton.com/)
Theme Music: Rob Paravonian (http://robprocks.com/)
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TRANSCRIPT
Episode 224 (https://wyrbw.com/224)
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices (https://megaphone.fm/adchoices)
this episode is brought to you by Acorn
TV Acorn TV and Nick and I realized as
we are watching all of the televisions
these are all shows where everybody
drives on the other side of the road I
mean except for like the Canadian things
like Murdoch Mysteries yeah it’s a lot
of uh left-handed driving but Murdoch
Mysteries there’s still horses a
loophole um so I love a loophole So
speaking of driving the left from New
Zealand comes the brokenwood Mysteries
let me set the scene everybody knows I’m
obsessed with New Zealand obviously from
my love of Lord of the Rings which
everyone knows is a true story that
happened in New Zealand and so this
takes place in a fictional town in New
Zealand small town less than 5,000
people which is exactly the size of the
town I grew up in and it’s like a big
City detective comes to the small town
and has to work with the Small Town
police force what a recipe for a
fantastic crime drama and we have the
small towns people are dying left right
and center and use code Acorn 30 at
acorn.tv hey there it’s Nick and it’s
Leah so we’re doing another live show
where you raised by wolves live and this
time we’re going to be on the west coast
Portland Oregon babies so come see us on
June 15th and we’re going to be at the
siren theater and the show starts at
7:30 so go to our website whereby
wolves. comom live and get some tickets
join
us do you confuse Mardis with P4 do you
dress down for the the theater do you
steal laundry carts or You Raised by
Wolves let’s find
out here things that can make it better
when we have to live together we can all
use a little help so people don’t ask
themselves raised by
W hey everybody it’s Nick Leighton and
it’s Leo BMA and let’s just get right
down to it with our moose Bo let’s get
in it so for today’s Amo I want to talk
about the bookends to a fancy French
meal so far I know what bookends are and
I am familiar with some French meals so
here on out I know I’m not going to know
anything well you know about one of the
bookends which is the amuz B oh yes I
know the Amo B yes yes so you’re 50%
there and so yes this segment is named
after that part of the French Meal which
is the sort of the beginning The Taste
the teaser the welcome
it’s just sort of to awaken the pette
and so the amuz B does that for our show
and that’s also what it does in a French
meal the happy mouth the happy mouth but
there’s a book end at the end of the
meal and after you’ve already had
dessert there will often be teeny tiny
little pastries and cookies and gilet
and little beautiful one bite delicious
little sweet things that will come out
at the very end of the meal on like a
little plate right in the middle uh I
mean often they’re on a plate of some
sort they’re not just thrown in your
mouth by a waiter well that’s how we do
it in my house open up I’m tossing the
end you’re all just Birds yeah um no it
will often come on a plate or maybe like
a little stacked teered thing could be
cute or little tray yeah but there’ll be
something and these are adorable and
these are often called P4 which
literally means Little Oven I actually
knew that one yes however that is
actually not 100% accurate and I do feel
like we want 100% accuracy here and so
54 refers to something that is baked and
the history on this is that like until
relatively recently ovens didn’t have
temperature control it was either just
like full blast or not on and so as
ovens were like cooling down and picture
like France picture Versailles picture
Louis the 14th these ovens and as the
ovens were cooling down the Bakers would
toss in pastries and things when the
temperature was like a little lower to
actually like bake those things and so
the little
uh is what this was called and so things
that came out of The Little Oven but4
now this really does refer to just
things that are baked though and at the
end of the meal here there will be
things that aren’t baked like galet or
like little mini tarts or like or like
little teeny tiny cake things and those
are called Mardis so you have Mardis and
then pi4 which are two different things
people combine these in terms of one
topic but I think for precision which
isn’t that what we want they are to
slightly different things I feel like I
have a wealth of information now oh well
but there’s more so a little more
history on where like the 5504 comes
from I think this is not true I think
this is a fake story I don’t know if
there’s historical evidence the oven
story well no the oven part is true the
idea that like oh ovens do need to cool
down and the story that you’re about to
tell us is fake yes what you’re about to
hear I don’t know if it’s true but it
does have to do with Louis the 14th who
famously loved food and he also love
pitting people against each other I
think that was also something he was
kind of into cuz like the politics of
the court of that time of people
jostling for attention and favor like
this was like the whole game and I think
he loved it and so one story goes that
he challenged his chefs to surprise him
and and like how do you surprise Louis
the 14th I mean honestly like at this is
somebody who has unlimited resources who
has eaten everything and it’s like how
do you surprise and so the story goes
that one of the chefs decided to on a
big big tray with like a big metal Dome
put one teeny tiny piece of cake teeny
tiny bite in the middle of this tray and
picture this servant walking through the
dining room hand extended into the air
holding that tray grandly presenting it
to the king removing the lid and on this
big tray teeny Dy cake apparently the
King was very surprised and it was like
ah this is wonderful and so because of
that the idea of like oh teeny tiny
things like became a thing in France
it’s a fun story it’s a great story but
like I don’t think there needs to be an
origin story for why we think teeny tiny
things are cute I mean it works for
babies it works for ponies puppies we
like little miniature versions of big
things you know we like cupcakes so I
don’t know if that story is true but I
think it is fun but yes this just is one
of those things that exist in the world
that I want you to know about so you’re
not surprised although I guess if you
were surprised by like extra pastries at
the end of a meal like I guess that’s
not the worst surprise and you’re not
negatively surprised you’re never like
no well it often comes after you’re like
totally full and you’re like I really
honestly couldn’t eat more but that does
look delicious and restaurants now
actually do often just like give it to
you to take home I was going to say that
you just slide that into your purse yeah
I honestly feel like you are totally
allowed to take all of that home yeah I
I I would have no shame being like Oh
can I have all these P4 and Minard to go
mercy and if they want to judge me for
that I’m prepared for that they were
going to judge me anyway
so I’ll just take you might as well have
some patries to take home
then and we’re back and now it’s time to
go deep deep into New York city so for
today’s question of etiquette we want to
talk about New York City etiquette cuz
we get so many questions that are
specifically New York City based yes and
over the episodes we have definitely
touched on a lot of these topics and
it’s come up but we thought oh let’s
actually like spend some time exploring
a little further and so we got a great
question from a listener which is quote
my husband and I are coming to New York
for a quick trip and I’m wondering about
some of the etiquette our plan is to be
complete tourists go to a concert at
Madison Square Garden go to the Met see
a show on Broadway so far I know that if
I step up to a deli or a coffee counter
I should be ready to order right away
and that’s about it what do I wear to a
show on Brad way who do I have to tip
are there Subway etiquette rules
anything else sh let’s start with Subway
etiquette rules out of that I mean there
are technically rules that everybody
should follow I don’t know if that’s
what’s happening down there it is not
but off the top of my Dome uh when
you’re exiting and entering the subway
there seems to be a lot of people that
just stop at the entrance and look at
their phone no no we have to go up the
stairs and move out of the way before we
check something or we’re coming down the
stairs don’t stop at the bottom like
step to the side or I’ve noticed people
will like go through the Turn Style and
then just stop right there and then look
at their phone you’re like why are we
stopping in moving areas I think people
don’t realize that in New York City
walking is our driving so if you would
not do it on the highway you shouldn’t
do it in New York City on the street or
anywhere where people are walking so
like you’re not going to just stop in
the fast lane and then like send a text
message if you’re driving no of course
you wouldn’t so like why would would you
do it in New York City when you’re
walking down the street yeah move
through the entrances and exits and then
step to the side if you have to look at
your phone or yes look in your purse or
whatever you’re doing you’re not going
to stop your car on the offramp on the
highway no going pull off all the way
pull off yes another thing that I think
is maybe very New York or maybe just me
it has happened quite a few times in the
last month and so it’s very fresh I am
standing on a bus or a Subway and we’re
still moving we’re still moving and
somebody behind me aggressively says
getting off getting off and it is always
going to be Time Square it’s always
going to be some major station which is
like we’re all going to get off at this
but it’s also like it’s a pack Subway
we’re still moving I know you’re behind
me and want to get off but it’s sort of
like I can’t do anything for you right
now I can’t move out of your way and
when the time comes to actually exit uh
I will be delighted to move out of your
way or get off with you because we’re
all leaving at the station but just this
tone of the I’m getting off and you’re
in my way it’s like oh I don’t need that
tone Nick does not care for that it
feels like it’s coming with so much
previous baggage it does you just a
lifetime of just struggling to get off
of the bus or the train car when people
wouldn’t get off and it’s like okay but
like you know let’s have every day be a
new opportunity for people to to do the
right thing and let’s like assume the
best that’s when I employ a samies also
in that same vein talk about samies as a
reminder we let the people getting off
get off first yeah cuz I was just in New
York and I remembered oh I remember this
I went to get off and then somebody who
was coming on the train was directly in
the middle of the doors opening and I
wanted to be like where do you want me
to go you want to come in I got to get
off yeah and actually a great New York
response would be to say that to them
directly I just stared in her face that
works too and she actually stepped to
the side okay okay okay now Broadway
show what should you wear to a Broadway
show great question I would wear
something comfortable oh interesting I
think New Yorkers do tend to dress up
for the theater so I think if you wanted
to be more like a New Yorker I think you
would try to look a little nicer than
not nicer but I don’t think people dress
up as much as you think they do well
it’s not tuxedos it’s not tuxedos but
it’s not Crocs in a tank top oh well
when I said comfortable I didn’t mean
Crocs in a tank top well there’s a lot
of uh definitions of comfortable no
you’re right I but I am saying you know
I like to always have long sleeve yeah I
mean I think you know it’s always nice
to look a little nicer in New York in
general I think as a city I think it is
a little more fashiony but you can
really wear whatever you want you can
wear whatever you want uh because like
there’s no one way to be a New Yorker I
think the one thing that actually is
very New York is just having the
confidence like if you’re woring you’re
not going to fit in then you’re not
going to fit in but like if you just
sort of have that confidence that inner
junqua then like yeah Rock whatever
you’re rocking rock that Croc with tank
top I don’t know who’s rocking a Croc
and a tank top you’ve really pulled this
out and I feel like you looked at me
when you said it and I I love tank tops
I think they’re very very alien uh
Starship pilot wait tank tops are alien
Starship what you know in Alien she
wears a lot of tank tops oh I oh we’re
saving the universe style yeah I was
thinking like the bridge of the Star
Trek Enterprise I was like I really feel
like I do not recall Jean Luke Bard
wearing a tank top at any point no they
have like long sleeve dealies yeah no
you have to yeah well because it’s
better for phaser Burns oh that is good
a point right it’s just safety first so
Broadway wear whatever you want to wear
I think it is nice to lean towards
dressie I think wear something that
makes you feel fun and like you’re
having a fun night out at a show yeah
something a little festive sure but this
is why I said comfortable is because a
lot of times you’re taking tons of
trains you’re bustling through you’ve
been out all day don’t feel like you
have to have a three-piece suit on and I
do feel like a lot of people who visit
New York are not used to the amount of
walking that is happening in New York
City and if you’re not used to that much
walking like yes this is exhausting yeah
so that’s why I said comfortable just
cuz if you’re going to be out all day
and you’re wearing heels it’s going to
knock you out we’re all on board with
being comfortable but I do think you can
look nice and be comfortable at the same
time I just don’t want uh the idea of
like comfort means being sloppy you know
you can be tailored and comfortable fine
okay I feel like we are not going to be
on the same page on this but that’s fine
we will agree to disagree in my mind
when when I first moved to New York and
we’re going to Broadway I thought I had
to wear like a ball gown so I’m just
saying yes you do not have to wear a
ball gown you do not have to wear a ball
gown but if you wanted to wear a ball
gown I guess actually that would be
inconvenient for the people next to you
I was going to say as we know from
Nick’s stories don’t wear anything loud
or that has zippies or that is going to
be reflective and upsetting to people
around you yeah so yeah if you’re
wearing like a sequin kralin large poofy
Princess uh sleeve yeah that might be a
problem so I was just thinking of you
Nick I appreciate that um tipping I
guess tip everybody we’re tipping
everybody at this point yeah yeah I mean
it’s it’s the Tipping is the same as
wherever you’re coming from if you’re in
the United States like yeah you you tip
the servers you tip your bartender you
tip the Bell hop but I do think we tend
to tip heavier in New York back to I
like to Circle back I just want to say I
said comfortable because I want people
to be comfortable but it is a nice night
out so I just don’t want people to feel
like inse care about how much they have
to dress up that’s what I meant yes well
and honestly what people are wearing to
Broadway shows no I mean people are
wearing tank tops and Crocs that is not
hypothetical and and that’s fine you
know it’s you you know Live Theater
support the Arts support our economy
wear whatever you want to wear if you
want to be more like a New Yorker New
Yorkers do tend to look nice for the
theater and so if you want to blend in a
little better then yeah you’re going to
wear probably something a little
dressier but wear whatever you want to
wear and honestly there is I don’t think
any any Broadway house has any dress
code other than like please wear shoes
you know but other than that yeah I just
don’t want anybody to not go to the
theater because they feel like they
don’t have the right outfit correct yes
wear whatever you want but if you’re a
person who likes to dress up and has fun
dressing up dress up yeah oh absolutely
yeah and I think it is you know make it
an occasion I am going to spoiler alert
talk about New York City cabs in my
ventor repent okay so we could put a pin
in that until the end of the episode all
right we’ll put a pin in that
um on the anything else question that we
were asked I think in general New
Yorkers are friendly very friendly but
time is a precious commodity here and I
think a lot of the etiquette crimes that
happen are related to wasting our time
so that’s why like when you walk down
the sidewalk 3×3 and you’re blocking
other people from passing you that’s an
etiquette crime here because you have
slowed me down which has wasted my time
um similar to like blocking my exit on a
subway etc etc etc so if you wanted to
stop somebody on the street for
directions in New York the polite way to
do it is not oh hello how are you um I
was wondering if I could take a moment
of your time to get directions to Time
Square that is too long you wasted my
time that’s rude much more polite is hey
which way is Time Square so much better
New Yorkers would absolutely appreciate
that approach you disagree it’s just the
hey oh was that too much I almost want
to no I almost want to come in with like
a word that’s like like excuse me which
way is Time Square oh okay yes pardon me
excuse me sure okay yes okay oh I love
that that’s what you clocked well hey
sounds like uh I don’t know I just
didn’t like it um well it’s the tone
like hey well because I’m like making
eye contact with you it’s like hey but I
think you want to be very clear that
like hey I’m not asking you for your
money I’m not asking you to sign a
petition I’m not asking you to adopt an
animal is hey I was wondering if you can
point me to Time Square and like real
quick yeah I just like an excuse me or
pardon me up top because you know when
people just randomly ask you questions
you’d like sort of a an intro okay yes
hey was my intro but you you are correct
it would be slightly more polite to be
like excuse me I’d say hey is for horses
I mean okay that was a Nana
favorite and like anything that’s in
that oh can we save this person time I
here’s the thing about New York that I
really struggled with I think it’s come
up before as somebody from a smaller
town which most places are smaller towns
than New York it’s hard for me not to
engage with people who are engag with me
and you do not have to engage with
people and a lot of times you do not
want to engage with people because once
you do you’re stuck talking to them and
it’s like some beginning of a long ruse
so people are like talking to you on the
street hey do you want to do this or do
you want to do this if you want to you
can do a quick no thank you and keep
walking but otherwise you don’t even
actually have to acknowledge it which
feels so uncomfortable as a person not
from that but you do not have to talk to
people that are soliciting for things in
the street yeah you want to walk with
purpose I always pick the vanishing
point so very Renaissance you know that
point in the distance where all the
lines converge that’s where I look where
I’m walking down the street and I don’t
get hit up because oh I’m I’m walking
towards that vanishing point that’s very
far into the distance and you can’t get
my attention it also helps avoid seeing
stuff because there’s a lot of stuff
that might just be visible on the street
things you might witness that you don’t
want to witness that you could never
ever unsee is what Nick is trying to say
and by having that deep focus you know a
mile down the road that really does help
blur everything
else yeah no it’s a wonder why we live
here I don’t know well I guess you don’t
I guess it’s you’re like oh wait I I
don’t want to live
here it’s a great City it’s addictive at
the end of the day it’s
addictive and now it’s time for Intero
intermo so this episode is brought to
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and now it’s time for Intero Intero so
this episode is brought to you by incog
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slw
rbw and and we’re back and now it’s time
to take some questions from you all in
the
wilderness so our first question is
quote I was in a mom Fitness class and
I’m one of the larger ladies in this
particular class I went to the class as
I usually did and didn’t think about my
size or the sizes of those around me I
was just focused on the workout as I was
loading my child and things into the car
after class I was approached by a woman
who also attended the class let’s call
her Lisa Lisa and I have never spoken
before and we did not interact during
the class we were not yoga matat
neighbors and there is zero reason for
her to approach me she came up to me and
kept insisting on what a great job I did
no one else received this personal
unsolicited cheerleading I realized that
she wasn’t being malicious so I tried to
politely brush her off by not engaging
in follow-up questions or encouraging
her with an enthusiastic reply so our
letter writer sent us the conversation
so we’re going to reenact it here for
you okay
so I’m going to be Lisa and I’m going to
be the letter writer so I’m standing
next to your car and I say you did such
a great job today oh thank you yeah no
it was hard but you still did it yeah
sure did but you kept at it yeah we all
did you did such a good job you’ll get
there okay
bye our letter writer continues I
understand that her intentions were good
which is part of what makes it it hard
to react to would it be appropriate in
future situations to tell her something
along the lines of oh thank you but I
did not ask for feedback or to tell her
I understand you’re trying to be nice
but this attention is unwanted and I
think you should examine why you felt
obligated to tell me a complete stranger
that I did a good job or is the plight
brush off the way to go so I actually
have a joke about this just to clarify
how much I hate this when this happens
was at the New York museum of natural
history with a friend and in one of the
exhibits there’s a part about
cannibalism and it says cannibalism the
worst thing a human can do to another
human and I was with my friend Charles
and I I looked at him and I said
obviously the person who made this
exhibit has never been at the gym when a
stranger walked up to them and says keep
going you’ll get there um because I hate
it so
much um and it happens a lot this just
happened to a friend of mine she was
texting me about she just got in her car
and this person came up after class and
wasn’t like leaving her alone and she
was like I don’t know how to make it
stop like I don’t cuz it feels so
pointed when someone comes up to you and
is like cheerly to you that you think
that they are the I mean this is
horrible this is horrible why is this
happening why is it happening Lisa’s
like oh I want to be encouraging and I
want to do I think that’s really what it
is
don’t don’t but like in her mind she’s
like oh I want to help this person I
want to do like a good deed and if I
yeah I think that’s where it’s coming
from oh obviously it’s coming from that
but like coming from a place I’m going
to speak to my experience of it because
when I’ve seen it happen or when it’s
happened to me obviously this person
thinks that they’re like I’m going to
help you out cuz you want positive
reinforcement and you’re like I actually
don’t this is condescending Behavior
oh for sure yeah I mean it’s patronizing
it’s condescending it’s just rude it’s
commenting on things you shouldn’t
comment on like it’s a lot of eate
crimes because and I’m not speaking to
my letter writer I don’t want a letter
writer to feel like I think but in my
experience what it feels like is people
being like H look at you showing up it’s
the same people that post you’re so
brave on social media it’s that like oh
you’re so brave for wearing a bathing
suit on your vacation that’s why I feel
like even though this person thinks that
it’s coming from a supportive place
somebody needs to start telling these
people to stop talking yeah altogether
like stop it you’re not being helpful
you’re not being supportive I also and
this is just me cuz I like this idea
where where you said I think you should
examine why you feel obligated to tell
me I like that thought and I usually say
I say this after comedy shows to people
that want to give me unsolicited
feedback I always want to be like why do
you feel the need to tell me this so
then they have to think it and then get
the words in their head and then realize
maybe they should be quiet yes like I
see people in class that I don’t know
and but it was a really fun class and I
just go such a fun class I’m not talking
about how they did I’m not talking about
but if I like want to be have good
camaraderie with people in the class I’m
not like great job you I’m like fun
class yeah no I mean that would be the
way to do it if you wanted to just have
sort of friendly engagement yeah this
person wasn’t interested in that they
wanted just to make sure that you knew
that you did it oh you did it and like H
just no good will come up that I mean I
almost think we could say and I’ve
gotten way close to this I’ve said some
wild things this week letter writer I
want you to know and I texted Nick about
it and I didn’t back down and I felt
good about it you could say something
like thanks so much I’m good I don’t
need a pep talk yeah I’m good thank you
for your concern yeah I don’t want to
necessar ask a question which is like
why are you obligated to tell me this I
just sometimes like to do that because
then people have to realize in their
brain that they what they are that does
assume that they will do the level of
self-reflection that is required to
achieve that and I don’t know if
everybody will get to that end goal I
just like to watch the face when you say
that but I get what you’re saying but I
don’t mind putting people on the spot I
mean I think in a previous episode we
talked about like it is okay to make
people feel uncomfortable sometimes when
they do a rude thing yes and yeah you
could absolutely make this person feel
uncomfortable for like clearly being
quite rude and that’s fine you could say
hey you’re making me really self-aware
please stop have a good day or we could
go imagine I exercise or it could be
like oh I’m so sad that you are
surprised have a nice day that would be
so fun I really wish that I I’m watching
this reenactment in my head all of those
would be really fun and you are not
being rude and this person needs a
little bit of a Awakening they do need
to have a little of Awakening yeah cuz
they’re doing this to everybody in their
life by the way everybody in their life
this is all over actually I think the
next time you take this class and you
see this person you be like Lisa you
didn’t come up to me after class and say
something rude you did it you did it
good
job I think that that that might be the
way to go I mean you kept at it and you
did it you kept at it so proud of you
and you kept your mouth closed good job
yeah I think that that might be nice and
poetic yeah but and also if you’re if
you’re out there I think some people
really don’t realize they’re doing it
and they just feel like they’re being
supportive to people it doesn’t come off
that way yes if you’ve ever been tempted
to do this don’t I guess is the takeaway
yeah nip that in the bud so our next
question is quote I recently sent some
fancy cookies to a teacher of mine as a
token of thanks for writing me a letter
of recommendation I ordered them to be
sent directly to him as a gift and
included a thank you note with the order
I asked him the best place to send
something and he told me to use his work
address recently I saw that the package
was marked failed delivery attempt a few
days ago I’m worried that there was no
one there to receive it since the
classes at his Studio are primarily in
the evening and there is usually no one
there outside of classroom hours I’m
hoping that the delivery person will try
again but my experience with the postal
service has been that there’s not always
a second delivery attempt made should I
reach out to the recipient to let him
know or should I assume that they were
already notified and leave it in the lap
of the Postal Service Gods I was really
excited for Nick’s answer on this one
really you got to you got to defer on
this one you don’t have thoughts this is
the kind of thing that makes me anxious
uh oh I cuz I don’t want to give
somebody a job but I want to make sure
they know that it’s there like if it was
a friend I would treat this in a
complete I would have a no problem idea
on this oh but it’s cuz that
relationship is a little more distant
you’re like oh it has it’s distant and
I’m giving them a thank you so I don’t
want to give them a job on top of a
thank you no I just want to give them
moldy cookies four weeks later when it
shows up no I don’t want to give them
moldy cookie if it was a friend I would
say hey I got a failed attempt I wanted
to see if they if you got them or if I
should look into it I think also
material is that our recipient gave us
the address they wanted knowing about
delivery in their area most likely so I
think that’s an interesting detail but
long story short just let them know just
let them know hey I sent you something
it CHS it wasn’t delivered let me know
if you didn’t get it I’ll try and follow
up with the sender and I think that’s
what you would do like you can not give
them the job of like tracking it down
with the postal service but you think we
want to give them a heads up yeah that’s
what I would have done if it was a
friend so I guess you’re right I would
should just do that across the board
yeah cuz like what’s the alternative to
not say anything and just hope for the
best I don’t like that no you’re right
you’re right and I think why there is
this weird hesitation is that so often
with gifts we want it to be a total
surprise like we don’t want them know
it’s coming at all and we want it just
to show up and that to be the surprise
and this happens a lot with thank you
notes too we’re like oh I don’t want to
ask them for their address because then
they’ll know I’m going to send them a
letter and it’s just like no no the
surprise is what’s in the envelope
what’s in the box not the fact that
something is coming
so I think if we take that out of it
then I think we will come to a correct
answer more quickly I I didn’t feel that
at all I just didn’t want them to feel
like they had to deal with the Postal
Service okay so it was doing the work
because you know when people send me
things and they’ll be like I sent you a
FedEx and it says it wasn’t there I’m
immediately like oh now I got to go down
to the pickup center it’s going to be a
whole thing yeah that is annoying and
you know sometimes when people like gets
down in the you know I got to know from
the FedEx you weren’t there it’s down in
the pickup Center you want to be like
well can you tell me what it is because
I can’t decide whether 3 hours of my
life is worth it or not oh that’s
interesting oh is this a priority is
this perishable you know what I mean
because sometimes the delivery it you
have to go somewhere and wait in line
yeah okay so I think in that respect I
would want to know that this is a box of
cookies for me because I want those
cookies and so I would probably
prioritize a way to get them more easily
yeah I think you should say it’s
perishable and then I would also offer I
I can look it up I’ll figure it out for
you I just wanted to know if you got
them or not yeah yeah I guess that’s how
we do it but yeah this is a little
tricky because if this delivery doesn’t
happen it’s kind of their fault because
they gave you the address and they’re
not there they did give you the address
it was their idea yeah so then I guess
the question is is perishable Goods the
best gift here well it’s too late on
that Nick well then the eate question is
let’s say these cookies never arrive do
we send something else no oh that’s it
thank you so much for the written
recommendation I sent you cookies you
didn’t get it too bad that’s the end of
that I guess you could send a separate
thing you know I sent you cookies
I’m not sure if you got them if you
didn’t get them I’ll take you out for
cookies there we go okay I’ll take you
out for cookies I like that and then
obviously I feel like if this is a
person who gives you an address they’re
not at a lot and isn’t aware they don’t
even want to go out for cookies they
just want to a thank you yes not
everybody wants to go out for cookies
you know which is strange to me but okay
or I mean hypothetically they would love
to but they’re not where they think
they’re going to be so I wouldn’t worry
about it yeah I think we will do our
best to get the cookie delivery
happening and if it doesn’t happen then
I guess that’s kind of at the end of it
yeah now one address that always works
is ours where raised by wes.com so
please send us your questions and your
vents your pents and everything else so
send it to our website or you can send
us a text message or leave us a
voicemail 267 call
[Music]
rbw and now it’s time for Intero Intero
so we’re doing another live show this
time in Portland Oregon yes West Coast
Best Coast
and it’s going to be on Saturday junee
15th at the siren theater so go to our
website where rais by wolves. Clive and
get some tickets we can’t wait to see
you there this episode is brought to you
by Reese’s peanut butter cups in
breaking news leading scientists
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are the perfect combination of peanut
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the study was inconclusive as the
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[Music]
you and we’re back and now it’s time to
play a game we like to call vent or
repent vent or repent which is our
opportunity to vent about some bad
etiquette experience we’ve had recently
or we can repent for some etiquette
foota we’ve committed so Leah would you
like to vent or repent I’m going to vent
Nick bring it so a little
histoire I lived in Queens New York yeah
for over a decade the closest airport
was
LaGuardia I stopped flying into
LaGuardia because anytime I would get a
Yellow Cab out front if you’re
unfamiliar with how New York works if
you get a cab outs a Yellow Cab outside
of one of the airports it’s like a flat
fee to go into the city right so because
I was already in the burrow they didn’t
get that flat fee right so they felt
like you wasted their time like I waited
in that lot for so long to get a good
passenger and now my fair is only going
to be 10 bucks okay and it wasn’t only
10 bucks it’s always a substantial
amount of money am tipping but I always
got people being rude to me because I
wasn’t the fair they wanted this was
like before lift was so regular also
when you get a lift at the airport you
have to go to a whole other lot it’s a
whole thing I started flying into JFK
and was like I’ll take public transit I
cannot handle that every time I get into
a cab people are being rude to me it’s
uncomfortable the whole way and I’m
paying them I’m paying them money to be
rude yeah so this was so bad that you’re
like I will fly into a different airport
and inconvenience to myself so I don’t
have to deal with this I I don’t want to
deal with it anymore it’s just I’m so
tired of it and it’s always you’re in an
enclosed space and it’s you know it’s
always a man and you’re like I can’t
take this anymore all right fair enough
and so I fly into JFK and I just take
the air TR I take the air TR and you
take the air TR to the subway boom no
problem okay and that always felt also
it’s it’s cheaper I know the root
whatever so I recently flew into New
York I flew into JFK and the air TR
which connects to the subway was down
when I flew in and it was pouring rain
so I was like I’ll just get a lift so
you had to take the air Trin to the lift
I mean so I get in they’re like Yellow
Cab so I get in line for the Yellow Cab
I get to my Yellow Cab I give him the
address he’s immediately upset about it
immediately and I was like here we go
again and I mean these are not cheap
this is going to cost me yeah a lot of
money it’s not like it’s $10 and then he
keeps asking me if I’m going to pay cash
yeah but can you pay cash are you going
to pay cash can you at least just pay me
cash or can you pay me cash and I was
like I already said no seven times I
don’t have cash so you’re getting I just
can’t handle it it’s so rude yeah it I
mean it is unfortunate that this is sort
of how it goes at theend airports is
that you may not always get the fair to
Manhattan you might not get the fair to
Manhattan but this must happen quite
often like not everybody goes to
Manhattan also it’s still $80 this
definitely crosses the line between
rudeness and safety yeah you’re like
bullying me into wanting to get more
money and it’s making me feel like I’m
not going to get to my destination that
definitely crosses the line for me yeah
that’s totally unacceptable like I can I
can handle like somebody being mad at me
in a cab like I can handle that but at
the point where it’s like oh will I make
it I don’t like that at all no which I
mean yes of course yeah like who who
would enjoy that feeling like oo how
exciting I might not make it I might not
make it and on top of that I get to pay
for it what a thrill right and I get to
be charged yes oh what it’s my lucky day
yeah no it’s Bonkers it’s totally
Bonkers it’s Bonkers well you know what
else is Bonkers let me know I would like
to vent so this actually relates to our
New York Deep dive and also one of the
cess pools of etiquette and Archy the
laundry room and so in New York City one
of the ultimate luxuries is to have
laundry in your apartment I mean it it
is true it sort of Bonkers that this is
considered a luxury but it is and I do
not have laundry inside of my apartment
and actually I’ve actually talked myself
into why this is fine and why this is
better because the machines in the
basement are bigger like significantly
bigger and so I can do four loads of
laundry in 90 minutes because I can use
four machines at once which if you had a
suburbanized machine you can’t do that
so I guess it’s better here that’s this
is the story I’m telling myself it’s
also in your building so that’s nice yes
oh I don’t have to go outside yeah and
and the room is open 24/7 and there’s
Wi-Fi and it’s air conditioned and the
machines like take credit cards and like
there’s an app like it’s it’s very it’s
as good as it can be for New York City
but like it’s still not in my apartment
so I am going downstairs because my
washer is about to end and as we know
it’s it’s important to be there on time
and not give anybody the opportunity to
just rip it out of the machine and so
I’m there and uh basically the cycle
ends and I’m like okay let’s put in the
dryer so I turn to get a laundry cart
and there are no laundry carts currently
in the laundry room and I was like oh
isn’t that interesting cuz there’s
typically eight eight to 10 laundry
carts you know the metal carts on the
wheels we’re all familiar and there are
zero in this laundry room and it turns
out my my neighbors are using laundry
carts to take laundry back to their
Apartments elsewhere this is what is
happening in my building and it’s like
that is rude that is so rude yeah you
don’t take a Target shopping cart and
push it all the way home and you don’t
like go to Central Park and take a bench
home with you no that is a resource for
everybody yes that’s a shared thing we
all share that you leave that where that
is yes and so here I am now I’m taking
all of my wet laundry out of the washing
machine like in small little bundles up
against my chest and like shoving into a
dryer and now like my shirt is all wet
because like it was damp laundry and
like socks are falling out of the pile
onto the floor and it’s like oh it was
just clean and it’s like H and so then
actually I go back up to my floor you
know after it’s in the dryer and I see
one of my neighbors there’s a laundry
cart outside of her door and I’m sort of
like huh huh H so yeah I just don’t
understand the thinking cuz it is so so
clear and the building sends out
periodic announcements like please don’t
do this and also it’s obvious please
don’t do this it’s so why are we doing
this why are we doing this and to have
everybody do it at the same time so
there was none unbelievable and I feel
like the cartto person ratio is very
high like so many people did this that
there was Zero how do we get to zero wow
wow I know so it’s an eut crime I don’t
like it it shouldn’t happen it shouldn’t
happen to my it happened so close to
home that’s what what gets me etiquette
crimes that happen close to home oh the
call is coming from inside the house
it’s like H seeping through the door
yeah I don’t like that at all it’s like
I want this to be a safe etiquette space
and it’s not I guess that’s why it’s so
violating I would love it if you made a
sign and laminated it that said I wanted
this to be a safe etiquette space put
that on a pillow so that’s my vent
so Leah what have we learned well I
learned about minad and I would have
just been walking around calling them
petite Force H I mean how embarrassing
how embarrassing and I learned that you
prefer cannibalism to being told that
you’re doing a great job at the gym oh
yes well thank you Leah thank you Nick
and thanks you out there for listening
I’d s a handri note on my custom
stationary if I could he would so for
your homework this week we just want
your questions straight up eate question
and you know you have them so send them
to us send them all and we’ll see you
next time bye
[Music]
bye all right Leah it’s time for
cordials of kindness the part of the
show that you make us do but I only give
you 30 Seconds To Do It Ready set go I
want to do a cordel of kindness to my
friend Katie Kaa who is the most
wonderful Hostess and let me stay with
her in New York and this time she really
changed my my whole life this is going
to be more than 30 seconds Nick so hold
on but it’s a very deal take out next
time it’s a very big deal she got like a
um a suitcas you know like they have in
hotels the thing you put your suitcase
on yeah she has one for her guest and I
was like oh I always struggle with these
you got to put them up against the wall
the thing always falls off and I put my
thing on it and she goes oh that’s
because you have it on uh the wrong
way she turns it and I have been using
the suitcase holder wrong my whole life
I was matching up the seams and it goes
crisscross applesauce changed my whole
world changed my whole world so you were
putting your like foldy suitcase
parallel to the thing yes oh okay and
that wasn’t working for you no cuz then
the whole thing is it doesn’t you
usually got to prop one side up against
a wall no and then also they’re both yes
it works both ways no it doesn’t I feel
like it does no okay well never thank
you and um it really was a eye opener
for me and I was laying there in bed at
night thinking what other simple thing
have I been doing completely wrong oh
and it where would you begin no no
Nicholas Lon and it was very exciting
and I posted it online and a lot of my
friends are also doing it wrong
too how wonderful and for me I want to
say thank you to everybody who came out
to see us perform live at our most
recent live show in New York City yes so
so lovely it was so fun it was such a
great show and it was so great to see
all of you and yeah can’t wait to do it
again so thank you thank you so
much and now it’s time for Intero Intero
so this episode is brought to you by
incog and what incog does is basically
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both before incog ever approached us
Nick has been telling me to get online
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myself I never look at anything I don’t
have the bandwidth and my incorrect age
is floating out there right yeah there
are serious consequences yes so I’ve
helped Leah sign up and it is very easy
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wbw oh Leo one more thing what have you
signed up for patreon yet I have me too
you out there have you signed up for
patreon yet no well go to our website
where raised by wolf.com click on
monthly membership check it out cuz we
would really appreciate it if you’d
support our show we love your support we
would so please do that and we’ll see
you next time bye bye