CAUTION: Viewing this video might cause the sides of the viewer’s mouth to turn up and could result in the sudden sensation of urinating.
A new “Aubergine” variant has now been discovered. Research indicates that it is more contagious than the previous variants; especially to those on a plant-based diet. It was unleashed when a French lab-technician (formerly a gourmet chef) snuck homemade veggie snacks into the laboratory, and accidentally mixed some crumbs with a virus sampling, used for research purposes. It is yet uncertain what caused this variant to take hold, but it is particularly dangerous to vegetarians! Scientists are scratching their crotches trying to figure out what causes this variant to become active. All currently available vaccines are rendered useless against it. However a special mask has been developed to prevent transmission. It will be made available to vegetarians and vegans first, then to the global population. Everyone is advised to immediately isolate your vegetables from the rest of your food and to keep at least 6-feet distance from any vegetable with a purple or violet hue. As vegetarians are particularly vulnerable to this “Aubergine” variant they are advised to stay in their homes, or change their diet until a casserole has been developed.
– This message is brought to you by the LATC (Lampshades Against The Coronavirus).