Oz and James’s Big Wine Adventure – S01E01 – Basic Winemaking

Oz and James’s Big Wine Adventure – S01E01 – Basic Winemaking

cing expert on a tour of French
Vineyards azen James’s big one
Adventure luscious creamy textures
mouthwatering flavors intoxicating oh
for God’s sake man shut up now I enjoy a
glass of wine but like most of us I know
next to nothing about it so it’s time to
learn and that’s why I’ve been invited
on a wine tour of France by this bloke
left here right right he’s a wine expert
what’s the first thing that comes into
your mind about that
wine
fruit my mission is to Open james’ Eyes
to the magical world of French wine my
mission is to have a drink and I don’t
give a pig’s fart for the Woody high
notes oh every week I’ll put James’s new
found knowledge to the test definite
bonfire in there I’ll try not to
embarrass him will he do the same for me
you touch my butter all this plus
everything you ever wanted to know about
wine but we too afraid to ask if women
drink mature chard their neck flushes
their pupils dilate and their nipples go
[Music]
erect sh Premier crew M Man O Clark wine
critic wine writer wine ponds it’s all
wrapped up around with this lovely fat
creamy nutty
quality James May petrol head Beer
Drinker utter
Scruff it’s not really a very promising
pairing so for our holiday I bought this
1989 V12 Jaguar xjs I rather hoped it
would do the decent old Jag thing and
break down in Kent so I could just go
home again but no I’m stuck with the
wine ponts for a
month I’m going to try and Infuse him
about the the people the places and the
fabulous flavors of the wines of France
to be honest I’m quite Keen to learn but
about wine not wine [ __ ] in my mind
I want to be holding an imaginary £10
and I want to know what to spend it on
without being intimidated by all that
peripheral pretentious nonsense I’m so
looking forward to driving up to these
magnificent shadows and we’re going to
say to the guys show us these magical
2005 thrill us with those flavors I
think Oswell actually turned out to be
quite an annoying man burgundy Bo
Bordeaux he tends to like to talk about
drink whereas I like to drink drink if
in the first 3 days I decide he’s the
most irritating man I’ve ever met what
am I going to do I mean what will I do
get drunk I
suppose France is the most famous wine
country in the world but unfortunately
for James it’s also the most complicated
for instance the French like to describe
their Wines By where they come from not
by grape variety so regions are
important I’ll be taking James through
some of the best known ones sampling
cheap and not so cheap wines as we go
and we’re starting in the most famous
and most expensive region
Bordeaux we’ve got 2 days to get there
so time for James to learn a few basic
starting with how to describe the way
win’s taste and
smell first thing
up what is that well it’s a peach but
it’s a peach I can see it’s a peach all
right then but try and remember the
smell okay find but you will find wines
that smell of peaches all become PE
smells like you know what a peach smells
like but when you’ve got a glass of wine
in front of you you won’t be thinking
either unless you’ve remembered that
smell if you remember that smell and use
your sense of smell not just just vague
memories you will be able to find it in
wine I’ve logged the peach smell logged
the peach smell do I actually need to
know this to know which wine I like yes
you will because otherwise you’re never
going to get to the basis of wine if you
don’t start caring about how they smell
and how they taste oh
god I’ve brought something along here he
doesn’t know about this yet but it’s
it’s a whistle that came out of a
Christmas cracker and I’m going to call
it the ulator or something I’m going to
blow that when he starts you know
talking rubbish look at this poo kneel
down kneel down smell
it it smells unequivocally of cow poo
the French called it Saud which means it
smells of cowat that’s exactly what it
means and it means rustic old-fashioned
French
wines I know what smells like that’s my
oor that means you’re talking rubbish I
know defa me I know what cow poo smells
like I can smell it from me and I don’t
want a wine that tastes of that so
that’s James honestly you’ve often he
people say about a French wine oh it’s
very rustic they start saying oh it’s
got a lovely farmyard equality what they
basically means is it’s been badly made
and millions of wines are badly made and
it smells of cow pets so we’ve
established that any wine that smells of
cow’s excrement is bad yeah easy I’ve
got this is brilliant this is
easy well I’m glad you think so mate
because in a few days time I’ll be
putting your knowledge to the test but
first a well- earned
drink thank God I have to learn how to
taste wine properly okay so let’s start
right at the beginning firstly three
things don’t put put it down so look at
it looked at the wine right second thing
shove your nose
in that and I want you to get First
Impressions what’s the first thing that
comes into your mind about that
wine
fruit don’t try to take the pistol
concentrate okay take it slightly
seriously okay but this is what you do
sorry okay I’ll do it again
asking you didn’t ask me what I was
doing you Che it you the point if you
get one in your mouth and then you put
mix it with oxygen by doing that you
massively improve the
flavor
sort of
[Music]
whiny bit frustrating really um I I like
having a laugh and I like having a laugh
with James and he obviously likes having
a laugh but I was if I can’t get him to
think for a second or two I mean he’s
never going to get
[Music]
anywhere and if he uses that whistle on
me again I’m going to shove it up his oh
look bordo the place where I first got
interested in
wine good wo is The Benchmark for red
wine throughout the world at their very
best they produce mouthwatering flavors
of black currant and Plum which
literally leap out of the
glass unfortunately most cheap bordeau
is rubbish generally a FIV will get you
damn all between 10 and 20 quid you
might be okay but to be on the safe side
I’m going to go over a 100 quid to give
James the best drink of his life cheap
skate bordo I think probably is the most
famous red wine area in the world
because of trade and because of money
and it’s because it’s been a triangle of
trade between North
America I know that actually helps me
appreciate the flavor though I can
understand why it’s important but what
is Bordeaux is a region of France well
it’s a city in France yes am I going to
get a lot of this I think I am aren’t I
well bord is a region in France that’s
have history Ed yeah it’s interesting
but I just want to so I’m prepared for
this bordo bordo then grows particular
grape varieties what are those grapes
the gra the main grape Ries we’re going
to find are the the Cabernet grape
Cabernet Servo is its full name and the
other grape is the Merlo grap excellent
this is what we’ll call a wine
fact our first stop is to visit one of
bordo’s most distinguished wine makers
and for that I’ve told that whistle
wielding Scruff to smarten up a
bit what’s with the what’s with the head
Master’s uniform it’s helmet Lang
actually not so you’d know
it dear hey you get that smell there
smell cut grass good smell here there
there there’s a smell of cut grass the
awfully GR Grand chadow pishon Longville
comp de la is in the medok area of
Bordeaux north of the City generally the
bordos made up here have an appetizing
bitter Edge to them if that’s your thing
look for words like poak or oat medok on
the label hey wine fact we’re here to
meet chatelin grand dam and wine maker
Madame May Elan
delonas did you make an appointment or
are we just I thought we were supposed
to be here 20 minutes ago but look she’s
a a grand D I mean we can’t say excuse
me sorry what I mean is you you you have
arranged with her that we’re coming she
doesn’t think we’ve turned up to sell
her some cable TV or anything I think
she thinks that we’ turned up to try and
have a nice lunch with her although when
she sees you she she change her mind she
may have come on it’s not that bad look
look that’s fashionable apparently it
may be fashionable in the sort of Kings
Road in London I doubt if it’s
fashionable in a smart Shadow like this
in Bordeaux all the tops are scruffy and
decrep not not in Bordeaux they’re not I
bet she comes out and she’s got her
slippers on and a an old
gy bour
Madame
James madame’s Premier red is the Lush
scented Shadow P long cont de but these
smart Shadows do have second wines not
so Flash but far cheaper Madam’s is
called Reserve de la contess at over 20
quid it’s still expensive but it’s
nothing compared to these historic
vintages down here Al together this
stuff’s worth
millions well I’m sure it’s very good
then I’ll have one this will
do so this is for example i’ I’ve pulled
out of there this is a 1940 yes you
could have been picking this grave the
moment when Robert Stanford Tuk was
Downing a hle 111 over the channel in
his Haw of hurricane which is a nice
thought yeah it should almost be drunk
to celebrate it that was the Paris
commune was when they were all sitting
eating and yeah the end of Napoleon
theii so that is
187 70 of
mut here I now have absolutely no idea
what those to on whiffling but no
suggestion whatsoever that we’re going
to drink any of it we’re looking at
we’re looking at old
wine looking look look at the old wine
felt in heaven this is a 1937 in 2007
that there will be people 70 years old
with lots of money for whom they would
pay £1,000 for that oh
yeah, for that bottle oh yeah yeah yeah
definitely will that would that be any
good it might be fantastic but you don’t
know the point is funny enough whether
this bottle is good or not won’t affect
its value very much to sell it people
will buy the bottle just because of the
label they won’t drink it they they
might not drink it they might never
drink it this is this is going back to
what I say about talking about keep it
and bring all their friends to see it
each time they come for dinner they
bring their friend in look the idea that
you ring up your M and say do you want
to come around and look at a bottle of
wine that’s preposterous well and here’s
a here’s a glass of chili and moo while
you look at it yeah if I did that I’d
get my face
[Music]
punched delicious this it’s got a
beautiful warm kind of smell James which
I’m sure you would appreciate funny but
since as o is well aware I’ll have to
drive after lunch I’m on water James and
I are involved in a a challenge here to
to teach James about the the way you
describe wines the the the way you
describe flavors and smells now how do
you approach that working on
a creation creation of a new vintage is
exactly like leading a string quartet
and the
alto could be the cab and the second
violent could be the Merlo I think we
create something like a work of art a
wine is like a
person it asks you to discover the
personality how is he what is his story
uh What uh is he deep strong uh elegant
then comes the nose so that even if you
don’t drink wine you can already have
the pleasure of the eyes and of the nose
and that is a great part of uh of
discovering a wine H great vintage
today’s I
think now what exactly was the point of
that visit but James surely but you must
be able to get something out the history
of all this the history is fascinating
well then get well then take be positive
about it we’re going to
get of it that is a problem and I’m
sorry about that the whole problem is
that you know if you got to drive the
car you can’t drink so that’s just a
given we’ll sort it out as we go along
and we’ll all take our turn and
everything well I think that’s enough
learning for today time to get our heads
down should a little stream at the
bottom
here there something the bridge
here we’re headed to the place where I
spent my very first night in
Bordeaux take that little track along
there that was it I I remember we were
right next to a Bank Of
Vines the year was 1971 The Grapes were
ripe and so was my traveling companion a
wonderful girl called
[Music]
Sarah this is it James this is where me
and Sarah pitched our tent
should we put it on the exact spot no
why because I don’t want to be in the
exact spot where you and Sarah montigue
Wellington did
it I can’t believe she actually wanted
to have sex with a man who was this
incompetent at putting a tenter how
could she possibly have found him
appealing
Oz that’s the bag it came in you’re
looking at
[Music]
there can you actually get into this
wine tasting and writing l in the first
place wine I got into because I wanted
to meet girls I went up to University
with with no money I discovered it was
this wine tasting Society for two quid a
term it was a university Society you
could get four wine tastings and you
could take a guest so I just thought
four wine tastings a term to good that’s
50p ago and I just thought that’s 50p a
date and then they disc they started his
English wine tasting team so I went down
and and and auditioned and got into the
team you tasted wine for England I
tasted wine for England
yeah oh no there’s more there’s water
coming through it’s bad
no I found a pound it be mine yeah
probably this was the worst idea you’ve
ever
[Music]
[Music]
had you know overnight I’ve learned that
James is quite a sensitive soul with a
peculiar poron for poetry especially
Omar Kayan dreaming when Dawn’s left
hand was in the sky I Heard a Voice
Within the tavern cry come my little
ones and fill the cup before life’s
liquor in its cup be dry now
[Music]
off
he doesn’t think he snores he snores he
does I can tell you I heard him at least
100 times last
night H I’m getting freshly watered
Meadow with an acidic
finish ah yes wine smells remember James
has got a test coming up smell
that you don’t trust me you it smells
like a stinging nettle have you ever
actually gone and smell one before bash
it ow no I haven’t to be honest got it
goes straight through
your oh but that smell that is one of
the great great smells
y hang
on a badly tuned
diesel now we just had a rough night so
I’ve decided to give us both a little
treat south of the city is Shadow Smith
OA fit their dry white has wonderful
flavors of nectarines peaches and coffee
beans it’s pricey though there are
similar on in the area for under a
tenner such as Shadow T leono but here
set amid the vines is something even
more sensuous than a glass of wine a spa
that uses grapes for soothing treatments
she’s actually cut a grape in half and
is wiping it on my face they reckon that
the grape and the grape skins and the
grape Pips are some of the healthiest
things for mankind that there are so
forgive me for dragging this back to
reality but how does this help with my
educ education so far what I’m learning
is to be able to go back to England and
say o Clark is a nut case he made me lie
on a bed while someone rubbed grapes in
my face that’s not very good advice to
someone who wants to know what to have
with their Rose beef on a Sunday this is
about the texture of wine now this is a
a slightly extreme way of saying feel
the texture feel the texture of that
lovely sort of gelatinous Flesh being
rubbed all over your face just feel it
enjoy it I mean it’s not an unpleasant
sensation I’ll grant you that but I’m
just slightly flavas at the extremes to
which you will go to immerse me in the
culture of the gravee without actually
letting me have a bloody
drink okay grapes on the face I can take
but this a Jacuzzi filled with grape
extract that strikes me as a oh God no
oh god oh that’s disgusting oh I can’t
look at that o Clark and a paper g
string thing no I can’t
look
oh James stop holding your beer belly in
relax I’m so unhappy you’ve got no idea
and what’s this got to do with wine well
the grape extract is going to exfoliate
us you’re very close to touching me with
your leg are you are you protecting
yourself there you’re NE regions I’m
trying not to touch you in any way I
can’t bear touching people I’m miserable
I’m going to sleep I hate
it there’s something in James’s Soul um
he seems to be the kind of fell you you
give him a treat and he he Rebels
against it he sort of shrinks away from
it I don’t like physical contact I don’t
like public nudity Oz does seem to like
it and it was giving him immense
pleasure watching me squir and he did
touch me on the buttcks why can’t you
actually just say well there might be
something positive going on well like a
glass of wine for example which is what
I’m here to you what what you haven’t
got Oz is I want to try some of that
rough I want to try the stuff that ends
up in my local supermarket for £5 I want
to see what that’s I want to learn the
differences between those it’s a bit
like me wanting to show you something
about sports cars I say okay o today for
you I want to talk about the language of
sports cars I’ve got a small Porsche but
I’ve got an American sports car which is
much bigger and heavier and I’ve got an
Italian sports car which isn’t actually
very fast but it’s light and it’s small
and it’s vibrant and the engine is fizzy
and it gives you a sensation of speed
now I want you to really get in touch
with this so first we’ll go and sit in a
big barrel full of unleaded you wouldn’t
do it I tell you I think I might you
wouldn’t right back to those all
important wine
smells
have a smell of
that aned D very good aned Dill yes
absolutely banana grow in banana tree is
a Blackberry is a blackbery now just
break it open and smell
that what wine so I know to avoid it
smells the bottom of your shoe boet good
boet smells like gym shoes really
running along tarmac in the sum
I hope he’s taking some of this in
because pretty soon he’s going to have
his knowledge put to the test in the
company of one of bordeaux’s major
players I don’t think I’ve learned a
huge amount about wine the thing that I
have learned is that has accumulated a
truly staggering amount of personal crap
in my
car the footwall is full of whatever it
is that he wants me to smell and learn
about and he’s just he’s just left it in
the car I mean he’s always looking
rather oldfashioned to my side as though
I’ve made some kind of frightful mess
left a banana on my Woodwork and it
leaked and got sticky juice and all the
switches I hate him for that I hate him
yeah at least I don’t clean my car with
a miniature paintbrush talk about anal
anyway test time it’s 20 days actually
this is still on are you going to change
your watch for English time to French
time no you’re going to stay with
English time all the way well that is
the time we invented it this is the
magnificent Shadow Pichon Longville
Baron it’s not a bad G bad these are
pichon’s fabulous Vineyards they produce
a stoning deep scented red wine it’s one
of the most sought after bordeau in the
world hello to Chris the bloke in charge
is one of the few powerful Englishmen in
French wine Christian Celia is a guy who
is a really hot shot he’s in charge of
four or five really important properties
he knows a great deal about wine and I
thought it a good idea to take James
along to him
and sort of start testing out James with
a true
expert Christian and his Charming wife
Ken want us to taste three of their
finest wines can James use what he’s
leared to describe them in a half decent
way this is a young wine and and so
we’re just getting those basic flavors
at the moment but those those flavors
will develop and become more complex and
more interesting and and and change pick
it up it won’t hurt you
shove it up to your nose and give it a
good snort now this is a rich white
Bordeaux to start with the shadow sudiro
2001 comes in at around £40 a
bottle what I’m hoping for here is words
like peaches apricots pineapple and
honey well I just got it that it
[Music]
is
dope dope you know like model era
playing dope it’s got a slide in that it
makes your head go a
bit I don’t know what model airplane
dope is like it’s like one of those
things that you’re you know you’re
supposed to leave a window open if
you’re using it because otherwise it
makes your brain go a bit squiffy are
you supposed to leave a window open when
you drink this or not well I think it
works whether the windows are opened or
closed okay wine number two two is the
famous poak Shadow Pichon Baron the year
1989 the price
12 these gron Crew wines uh really take
a distinctive character from each year
so hopefully you should like them can
James do a little better with this one
the correct description is black
[Music]
current tree B fruit
salad
uh fruit salad no before tree tree is
the
maker I like like I’m Happ you like oh I
do I love them yeah Jam I hate you the
our last wine is the 1988 Pichon
baron4 a bottle it’s slightly more
acidic and he should be picking up a
slight hint of tobacco but don’t tell
hold your
breath
bonfire definite bonfire in
there and a definite barbecued sausage
or something like that sausage a slight
sort of pork fat high note or low note
is that so impressed because it is
exactly what I’m
getting maybe even a little bit of
Virginia tobacco at last
now I’m going to taste it he’s got
something
[Music]
right
lovely a very fine
[Music]
wine at the moment he still has to go on
you know poning about the place and
throwing out all this frankly idiotic
and rather ridiculous way of of of
describing a Rel to wines but underneath
that um I’m pretty sure that some of
this stuff is sinking in I’m slightly
cross with oz in a way because I think
he’s led me up this path of being a wine
connoisseur but it’s not Central to what
we’re trying to achieve here which is a
beginner’s guide to basic French wine
appreciation I’m going to have to be a
bit a bit tougher with him I think well
they’re not bright fresh easy going
flavors there’s a
peachy sorry I should have explained
this it’s my ulator it’s an agreed
signal that Oz is being a bit of a wine
bore I’ve got three boys does it work
with Oz well you want the Acme thunderer
it’s a British whistle um it’s a
traditional like a referee’s whistle it
has a mouthpiece and a circuit of it
with a pee in that rattles and it was
the whistle they used on the Titanic and
which they blew yeah when it was going
and you can still buy exactly the same
whistle I will send you it if you like
right I think it’s time I set TV’s o
Clark a test this has absolutely nothing
to do with wine but it does have quite a
lot to do with the French and the French
mentality this is a 2cv it was designed
before the war and part of the original
design remit was that it had to be able
to drive across a plowed field with a
basket of eggs on the passenger seat
without breaking any of them and this
was because it was designed as a car for
Rural people and it would in fact be
driven across Fields so uh M Oz the
local French peasant he has to drive
from here and back again across the plow
furrows without breaking any of the eggs
in the basket we don’t actually know if
this works because it’s it’s been
repeated millions of times this idea it
may be a myth I don’t know but we’ll
find out because now we’ll see if the
2cv breaks the eggs
go the
gripping go on where’s the handbrake
there’s the twisty lever in front of
you okay got
it see it’s front-wheel
drive which makes it very good for
driving across play Fields it’s got very
very long travel very soft suspension
and very narrow tires it really was
designed as a I mean the polite
expression is the people’s car but
actually peasants car is what they
meant
[Music]
[Music]
St well look at
that it’s not fate this is absolutely
true that’s remarkable it works oh
there’s a tiny bit of
damage this
Earth has sustained a wound but actually
not not so bad that you couldn’t still
make an omelet with it so none of the
others are
damaged it’s all true you can cross a PL
field and a 2cv with a basket of eggs on
the seat do you want to try it in the
Jag I’d love to try in the Jag your Jag
in this field let’s not try
[Music]
Jag we’ve now left the grand Shadows of
Bordeaux behind to get down and dirty in
France’s most rugged wine region longer
do
musion spread like a crescent around the
Mediterranean Shore and down to the
Pyrenees its steep Mountain Vineyards
yield intense granache and S grapes for
beefy Reds and musket grapes for Fruity
whites here I’ll be showing James the
wine making process from start to finish
I’m going to take you right back to the
basics of wine the nuts and bolts of
wine
and I’m going to show you how to make it
or we’re going to make some wine oh we
might
excellent and as the [ __ ] crew it looked
like a stitch up it’s qu 5: or quter 6
in local time and Oz’s brought me out
into what looks like the middle of
nowhere to pick some grapes which is my
idea of a holiday really getting up at
you know o Christ 100 hours and doing
some horny-handed manual toil of A Sort
that they did in
1520
marvelous I’m really excited by this to
be out actually the beginning of this
year’s Harvest is me and James out on
these Hills it’s
fantastic these are the Steep Granite
slopes of the cusion Catalan country in
2001 South African Tom lber and kiwi Sam
harup bought a Vineyard here and they
started Matassa wines Tom and Sam’s
whole wine making year revolves around
this one event if these grapes aren’t
harvested now they’ll over ripen and the
lads can kiss their £25 per bottle
goodbye 25 quid for some phony Colonial
plonk and they’re obviously not
Frenchmen for a start they’re working to
capture the flavors we wanted uh we have
to to get out pretty early and pick it
uh quickly obviously Oz and James uh
contributing their part to that speed
quite quick isn’t he yes I’m just
wondering do I draw the line at violence
here or will there be wine at the end of
this they will be drinking right in that
case I shall work
ah someone in the wine World understands
me Tom says you can just RI them off
with your hands failed mine did come off
with my
hands for every one of these vines that
they’re picking we’ll probably get about
half a bottle of wine on average there’s
a very very small amount um which is why
it’s so
expensive guys this is not going to cut
the mustard um us is down heads down
picking oh delicious scissors moving and
don’t eat the
profit it’s probably the first time
they’ve done a honest day work in their
lives so this is obviously not something
coming easily to them uh I think there’s
a bead of sweat dripping off the tall
one’s brow oh shut
[Music]
up you are now officially van loading
they’re not going to make wine out
here unfortunately
wasn’t that fantastic out in the Hills
there so Savage so Noble and these
Bunches of grapes fighting against the
elements but just dragging all their
flavor deep out of those slatey soils uh
grape picking is not a romantic job and
if you’re a student and you’re thinking
I’ll spend the summer picking grapes
don’t because when you’re 70 years old
you’ll be bent at right angles it’s not
worth
it like The Peasants we’ve become we are
paid with some homemade WI
wine I mean this isn’t fruit so much as
stones and herbs and I can taste the
struggle of the of the antip when was
the last time you tasted a struggling
antip Bal stop stop talking get
drinking I approve what the cat
selling s got
it
this Rocky region produces good sunbaked
Reds for between 5 and 10 look out for
the words coat Duron vage on the label
Village generally indicates a Region’s
better wines hey that’s a wine
fact Tom and Sam like to keep things
simple Matassa is one of the few
producers that still squash their grapes
by foot in your good can I stand on that
hand in good it’s C it’s not going to
break break no it might tip up okay oh
isn’t that nice the squidgy feel of
grapes between the the feet are in the
[Music]
grapes I can’t believe that the best
solution after all these years is a a
British bloing his bare feet this is the
best BL the reason it is so important to
do it this way is because you’ve been in
there is a very gentle process and it’s
really all it’s doing is getting the
juice and not the bitterness and that’s
what we’re all about to make smooth
balanced wines come on all right time to
show the wine the Ander tow just how
it’s
done you’ll hear this again and again
and again human contact doing things
with your own hands makes better wine
I’m going down like a bowl of porridge
and you’re just standing on the top
there stop holding on to yourself what’s
that then well this is just me uh
keeping myself direct you cut all this
philosophy out please and work we’re
sick of it and I know they’re saying the
foot is the perfect instrument for
treading grapes and I’m sure of the
things that were available to people in
the 12th century it probably was the
best thing when we’re not here they’ll
be doing it with a
hammer the wine is extremely nice though
I have to say it’s excellent get your
laughing gear around that my friend pure
grape
juice pretty nice actually very
sweet hey easy mate we don’t have
much The Lads only produce 5,000 bottles
of white wine a year and not much more
of their red that’s a tiny amount but
it’s worth it because you get a real
sense of these rugged Hills in the
flavor so James has done his first
harvest and now he thinks he knows it
all the way wine is made is extremely
simple you pick some grapes you squash
them to get the juice out then you store
them in in a barrel or something and
wait for fermentation to occur and
produce alcohol it’s easy well yes
that’s the theory but don’t get too
cocky mate because later on I’ll be
putting your wine making skills to the
[Music]
test I want James to see how some of my
favorite sort of wine is made we’re
headed into what the locals call laf
France profound deep unders CED
unspoiled France scattered around the
village of s Anne are isolated rural
communities hardly seen by Outsiders
generations of farmers have been making
wine here for centuries not for profit
just for themselves luckily I know a man
who can help us get our hands on some
your brother yeah my brother lives out
here really yeah he absolutely loves it
and I have to say you his friends are
the local small farmers those are the
people hangs out with and if he’s going
to sit you know watching the sun go down
he’ll be sitting watching the sun go
down with a tumbler of red that his
neighbor has actually made in his
cowed is that your brother that’s my bro
he looks like you my
bro bonjour M Clark senior sir ni to see
you and you how are
you this is this is Tre rustique we
ought to go up to ghee because they got
the koson which we’re going to convert
into supper what do you mean a koson go
pig they got a half pig which we’re
going to do for all ready for the supper
you killed the pig no did the abire
kindly did it for
us dead pigs can you make wine out of
those unsuspecting I set out across the
Wasteland now these guys really do make
red wines as rusting as you can get but
we won’t be getting a mouthful just yet
because around here if there’s some work
to be done you’re expected to roll up
your sleeves and
help that’s help
James has become French it’s just turned
into a Frenchman in a minute you will go
la la la la about piece
of
fantastic sausage thing is marvelous and
there there are a fantastic bunch of
gnarly old Frenchmen but I want to drink
their
wine it must seem as if I’m being really
miserable about all this but I’m not
trying to wind o up it be horrible to
him I just know from what I’ve learned
about him already that left of his own
devices he gets so carried away with
this and I’ve got to try and Hammer him
down and get something useful out of him
otherwise I’m going to go home having
had a nice holiday but not learned
anything and I’ll be back in the pub
drinking
bitter I haven’t learned anything about
wine today I’m completely baffled about
wine yeah but all right just give me
some wait because give us a couple of
minutes because what happens in country
areas like this everyone does the work
and then they all break out the bottles
of wine and they have the wine has been
made absolutely here you know this is
the whole point the local local Pig
killed by the local people and then they
the local one we haven’t got this right
yet have we I’m going to my local
supermarket or or off license and I want
to buy a bottle of French wine and I
want to buy a nice one you know I’m
trying to give you some idea about the
different cultures in the French World
which is full of wine and you’re
resisting getting anywhere near the cult
just cuz you’re obsessed about trying to
get a £499 bottle of red wine and the
body high stre it in Fr in England we’re
just chopping up bits of pork which The
Lads are going to eat and then they’re
going to drink something which is made
out in the back shed can we go to the
shed yes I’m sure when we’ve done a bit
of work we going actually earn a bit of
shed I have finally made him a bit cross
that’s quite an achievement isn’t it
bravo bravo miss Oz excuse
me probably I’m being a bit horrible TOs
and most of the time he laughs it off
but now he’s a bit worried cuz he’s you
know I’m being a bit of a bad Ambassador
for him and he’s with his family so fair
enough I’ll be nice for the rest of the
day may I have the honor of turning the
handle
we say when you to
stop okay now that James has finally
done some work we can taste some wine
this is L home brew the farmers families
have always made it in barrels and Vats
like these they don’t sell it it’s for
family friends and well you got to have
something to drink with your
lunch oh this is
[Music]
[Laughter]
[Music]
[Laughter]
molon
oh wow Rene’s graes will be brought in
here he’ll crush them he’ll shove them
into that vat there and then they will
they will stew together for a week or
two cuz red wines are made by letting
the Skins stew with the juice the actual
the actual juice of a black grape has
got no color at all so the Skins make it
red the Skins make it red right that’s a
fact that’s a yes quiet please
everybody lav
rusti def
France cheers
and here we
go that’s not bad actually I think it’s
smashing that’s really but oh natural
and fruity and and it’s just wine it’s
like grape drink it’s a
but see that I’ll have a bucket of that
this is what I like it’s rustic it’s
honest it’s decent it’s for proper men
who are in the resistance and you drink
it on your farm and it’s
fantastic I hope he’s been paying a bit
of attention instead of ly dying about
the place cuz actually later on we’re
going to get him to make some wine
simple as that we’re going to give him
some grapes and say James make some wine
it isn’t rocket science it’s it’s it’s a
drink have I got to drive the car this
afternoon no you don’t smashing oh we
haven’t told you you don’t have to drive
the car this
afternoon no it’s worse I have to put a
tent
up this is the really tricky
one is
[Music]
it better yeah hey there you go
[Music]
a a very great Stone
underneath it’s been an interesting few
days we’ve helped with a harvest fallen
out we’ve made up and James has even
learned a few things about wine making
hopefully now all I want is to enjoy a
quiet pint with my big
bro I can go on and be Pony about wine
for
hours then suddenly you get to a place
like this and you just think whatever
glass is in your hand
is is the glass you’re going to
have I know I may not have given the
impression all the time but I am
enjoying this trip immensely it’s it’s
fabulously good fun o is great company
cheers Johnny thanks for Absolut
smashing day I’m actually learning a
surprising amount about wine I keep
surprising myself in fact I’ve into a
wine P SL I’m doing this I wasn’t even
thinking about it I’m oxygenating
it I’ve already been
[Music]
[Music]
infected you know the best thing about
this road trip is the opportunity to to
find out the most unexpected
things I actually specialized in the
harpsicord when I was at
University you specialized in what the
harps Accord I was a Harps Accord player
I played lots of Francois Kuan Lans and
I played lots of bark and scarlati and
lots of stuff from the Fitz William
virginal book I mean what I just find
myself thinking there’s all these heavy
blows sort of covered in petrol and
grease and then there’s you you about
playing the the virginal and the the
harsy God I’m amazed that they accept
you into their rather murky Brotherhood
probably not so they do on the
[Music]
whole you know when you were on food and
drink you were that woman who dressed up
as a SNM woman what was her name JG the
great the gorgeous JG my blonde wshell
Jilly golden Jilly G yeah Smasher she is
she used to put a hand over my over my
mouth when I was trying to say things
she used to she know roundly endlessly
treat me like some frightful henpecked
husband my mother used to go banana say
oh Jesus you know how can you let that
girl treat you like that did that sound
like Pakistani or Welsh quite no that
was me
mother anyway you don’t don’t need to
spend much more than a fiber to get a
taste of longer do ruson herb scented
chunky Reds from corbier and fetu are
smashing value and so are the sharp
fruity whites from K coat de gascoin and
Jess over the past few days I’ve been
trying to show James how wine is made
has any of it sunk in let’s find out
good
luck I’ve challenged him to make some of
his own these are all the same these
grapes yes they’re all the same so the
first thing I have to do is put the
grapes in this bucket thing and squash
them
somehow I’m working on this attractive
murial of the surrounding area which
tells you you know how far away things
are and so on it’s the ideal working
environment for the Amer
Vintner o set this so that he can go off
and pwns around looking at Shadows he
thinks I’ll make a complete [ __ ] up of
this and I’ll be here for days but he’s
wrong I mean I can see why they call him
Captain slow he seems to be taking the
berries off one by one I mean I would
take take a bunch and go like that not
not
James o is interacting with the locals
now which is what he’s very good
at I have no option but to do the
traditional thing and tread on them
which I’m not very keen on to be honest
CU I think it might contaminate it but
anyway
absolutely nothing is
happening this is rubbish I need some
technology Oz could you ask Madame if
she has something like a potato masher
that I could borrow for an hour or
so well she’s not got a potato masher
but this being rural France she does
have a lovely old
ho
is that an air Loom no she say she got
to go and wash it first oh
no it’s fine this will give it some good
Rusty high
notes can you hold that or not you see
put it push it up further yeah there um
get those bits
hold it firmly I’m going to push that
hard okay look at all that juice pouring
out I’ve bought some yeast and I’ve
mixed some sugar from A Roadside
Cafe yeast and the sugar will work
together and this will turn what is at
the moment grape juice into
wine look at that frothing up that’s
already making
alcohol we don’t you know she’s asking
whether we’ve succeeded yeah I’m I’m
enjoying myself this is onal we will
send you a case when it’s
matur she says she’d rather
not
voila laan
rou sort of
Rouge honestly they’ll be queuing up for
this at Ramsay’s big Pony
Restaurant well that’s assuming it’s any
good and we’ll soon find out because
you’ll be testing it out on the
locals it won’t be ready for a while so
in the meantime there’s a chance to take
part in one of France’s more bizarre
wine making
Traditions so it’s a competition for
seeing who can pull corks out of bottles
fastest what happens to all the wine
hopefully if you’re good you drink tons
of it these are the Villages of sans
sarados they’re out celebrating their
grape Harvest and they want to find this
year’s cork pulling Champion I like the
idea of a drinker Olympics that’s
excellent cork pulling Olympics that’s
what you’re here for are we a team oh
God I hope
not uncharacteristically for the French
the organizers like to ensure L play and
they have an extensive rule book which
they rigorously apply and you open
according to what the french regulations
say is the accepted way of opening it
which is bound to be pretty complicated
very complicated and certainly it won’t
be the easiest way excellent what this
is a great opportunity for annoying lots
of
locals here are some local former
resistance leaders representing France
where do you come from please London
London and the British expeditionary
force is filled in Clark and may oh we
London
la
right 2 minutes to open as many bottles
as
possible you just punch me in the
face done
[Music]
what cannot come last 1 minute 1 minute
my ising
ising easy no too fast too
[Music]
fast no don’t don’t count it
twice that’s eight each for ozen James
so how does that compare with Renee
Renee and
Rene oh dear we lost time for drink but
then we discover that the French have
been
cheating this is
interesting water that is absolute
disgrace I was only doing this to get a
drink the results of James’s wine making
experiment have been selling around in
the boot of the Jag for 5 days that’s
enough time for the yeast to have caused
his grape juice to f me and make alcohol
technically he’s now made a wine but is
it any
good we’ve come to this delightful
Market town to find
out the people of France believe that
they have a very very sensitive educated
pallet when it comes to their own wines
but have they let’s find out here we
have three wine glasses on a table and I
have three wines I have a very expensive
French wine it’s a 50 Quid vjo from
burgundy I have a very cheap French wine
from a supermarket the sort of stuff you
buy straight from the vat it’s a game
from ardesh costs around
£350 and I have the domain deot de
Jaguar uh I wouldn’t want to put a price
on this
one M’s in the middle and not
recommended by wine connoisseur TV’s Oz
Clark I can smell this wine of yours
downwind I mean you could make vinegret
out of this that’s sour grapes let’s see
what the experts think
Madame
please each person will taste all three
wines then reveal the one they like
best
okay
so which is France’s favorite wine the
expensive one on the left the cheap one
on the right or the English one in the
[Music]
middle expensive
expensive
expensive expensive expensive expensive
again that’s number one that’s number
two that’s number three for me your
Dutch yes you’re disqualified V
expensive
expensive maybe El has a
point expensive oh his Mrs likes a cheap
one nice this look you you can’t even
see through it I mean as though you’ve
actually made this with washing up water
and Ry Bean expensive expensive
expensive
expensive yes
what magnific let’s just see that one
[Music]
again I know I appreciate that it’s
difficult for you because I’m undoing
your life’s work work but he says chatow
Jaguar is best it just goes to show that
what all you have to do is Crush some
grapes in a bucket and stick it in the
back of your car for four or 5 days and
you’ve made a perfectly good wine the
rest of it is hype and ab nonsense all
it proves is that there are some French
people who knows little about wine whose
palette is as Leen as yours that’s all
it should
impres find more wine choosing advice
from O’s Woody high high notes Clark at
bbc.co.uk slf
food
next time I teach James how to match
wine with
food that tastes isn’t it I enhance my
reputation as Britain’s best
driver and we celebrate the Harvest with
a good oldfashioned boys night out I
can’t listen to in this you’re getting
smashed and I’m way behind
[Music]
you