My Husband Took Me Out To Eat For Valentine’s | Etta May

Comedian Etta May on going out to eat…

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About Etta May:
Etta May has performed her brand of clean-comedy on Oprah, Showtime, Comic Strip Live, MTV, and as a guest commentator on “CBS Sunday Morning,” Winner of the prestigious American Comedy Awards “Comic Of The Year,” and so much more. In addition, she headlines the successful all-female comedy tour, “Etta May and the Southern Fried Chicks,” selling out theatres all over the country. Think Blue Collar Comedy Tour with better hair and a bigger attitude! In addition to television, Etta May is a regular on Sirius-XM Comedy Channels and the syndicated Bob & Tom radio show.

Born and in Bald Knob, Arkansas, Etta May grew up alongside nine older brothers, who referred to their baby sister as “the human sacrifice.” Etta May’s parents – her father, a potpourri farmer, and her mother, bedridden by constant childbearing – didn’t realize she was a girl until she needed a training bra.

She met her husband, Delbert, an aspiring truck driver, at a friend’s kegger. From across the yard, their eyes locked in a loving look, you know that stare that lasts a moment too long. Nine months later, she was blessed with a boy, and three more kids followed. “That’s where my comedy comes from. I just wait for my husband or kids to do something stupid, and then I write it down.”

Before finding success as a stand-up comic, Etta wandered from dead-end job to dead-end job, including a 10-year stint as a school bus driver. She says she learned how to handle unruly kids by Armor-Alling the seats and slamming on the brakes all the way to school. Her theory: “Kind of hard to pick a fight with the kid in front of you when you’re just holding on for dear life.”

Then she decided to take a chance on herself and follow her dream. Lots of hard work and drive, and a few years later, she wins “Female Comic Of The Year” at the American Comedy Awards. It’s the American Story we are all told that you can become anything you set your mind to in this great country, and for Etta May, it worked!

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My anniversary dinner my husband actually took me to a very nice restaurant very fancy ladies and I’m not talking just a nice restaurant where you get a buzzer and wait oh like I’m the only one that’s ever eaten at an apple Beast no I’m talking a fancy restaurant

Fancy French restaurant where you had to call ahead and make a reservation put your name in hold your spot kind of like tailgating Okay and we get to this French restaurant and there’s this real pretty girl behind a a a a desk a Podium and we give her her name and then she introduced us to The Matador now he’s the guy that takes you to your table so as he’s taking us to our table

And we sit down he goes um can I get you a glass of wine and my husband said glass heck bring the whole box we going to get this party started all right and then that matter door acted like he smelled something bad and he just walked off and I said to my

Husband did you fart because I did not this is a nice place tuck it in okay control yourself and then the waiter come over and he’s dressed real nice and he’s got a little white tea Tow on his arm and he’s got a bottle of wine in his hand

And he says hello my name is mauce I will be waiter this evening um as it is we are all out of boxes of wine who however this is our finest housewine I think you will enjoy it very much so M if you will you raise your glass and so

My husband raised his glass and and this the little French guy just poured just like a little swaller in his glass and my husband [Applause] went feel it up and he goes no M this is fresh wine you must let it breathe swirl the wine around the glass see how the light

Dances of the colors now I want you to take a sip of the wine but do not swallow no let the wine Mar natural tongue let it side slide from side to cheek to cheek and I look over at my little redneck husband and he’s over there

Going no Michelle this is Ling this is not this is not this is fresh wine and I said look pepy La pew we’re just trying to get our drink on we could have had half a box done by now that French wine can breathe in my stomach fill it

Up then he gives us the menus couldn’t even read those but Danny tells us um the chef special was chicken colored blue and I’m thinking well I ain’t never seen that before so we order the chicken colored blue it comes it ain’t blue it just looked like a fried chicken breast to

Me then it got weird I cut into it I take a bite it’s half chicken half pig okay d franches are crossbreeding animals in back we need to call the Humane Society or something if I want chicken I’ll order chicken if I want pig I’ll order Pig but

I ain’t eating no chick Pig now we took off out of there stole that bottle of wine let it breathe in the truck we ended up about six blocks away at Earl’s gas and sip eating gas station chicken and tipping back a box of wine on the

Curb and the great thing about it is one of the pieces of chicken I bit into was Blue