2 Fancy 2 Furious: Wine

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Episode 2: Exploring the world of wine by focusing on about 2 hyper specific things and refusing to elaborate.

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Music attribution:
Don Giovanni – Overture. Fulda Symphonic Orchestra.

Symphony no 9 in Em “New World” IV. Musopen.

Parisian Cafe – Aaron Kenny. YouTube Audio Library.

Gentle Breeze – Trauma Center DS 2
Yakko’s World Instrumental
The Sims – Buy Mode 1
Epic Cinematic Adventure – Majestic Vision – Infraction Music

Parappa The Rapper 2 – Sista Moosesha Instrumental
Pheonix Wright Ace Attorney – Light and Shadow of the Film Studio
Justice League Heroes – STAR Labs Entrance
Marvel Super Heroes Arcade – Opening
Cyberpunk 2077 – The Rebel Path
Humans are disappearing – Mass Effect
Dark Souls – Bed of Chaos
Dark Souls 3 – Souls of Cinder
AUDIOJUNGLE: Old Fashion Games
AUDIOJUNGLE: Fifties Television by Hyperprod
AUDIOJUNGLE: Jazz Lounge Piano by Evolving Vibes
AUDIOJUNGLE: Jazz Piano Medium by Tone Village
AUDIOJUNGLE: Window Shopping by Scorewizards
AUDIOJUNGLE: The Suburbs by Hyperprod
AUDIOJUNGLE: Jazz Piano Medium Swing
12 Concerti Grossi, Op. 6 – Concerto no 4 in D Major – Advent Chamber Orchestra
Sonata for Cello and Piano – 1. Allegretto ben moderato. Paul Pitman, Bang-Eun Lee

Second Suite for Military Band, Op. 28 no. 2, Gustav Holst. Performed by USAF Heritage of America Band

Scenes from Childhood, Op. 15 – VII. Dreaming / Reverie (Träumerei), Robert Schumann
Donald Betts

Solo Cello Passion – Doug Maxwell_Media Right Productions – Youtube Audio Library
Préludes, Op. 28, Frédéric Chopin, Performed by Jeannette Fang https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yvT2RdnhYQ&ab_channel=Musopen

Come here little fella I want to tell you a secret I’m just like You we’re both down here in the dirt mine just happens to be important you are fighting in traffic and I am fighting charges of trafficking we’re so similar you’re working a 9 to-5 job and I am having to look at that we’re both going through it so

Don’t hate me I’m not the problem it’s the wine snobs they’re the ones that look down on you and frankly I don’t blame him no no he’s learning listen let me pull you up by your bootstrap raps what if I made you my little pig meleon that’s a reference that you

Wouldn’t get you know what perhaps I shall make a series of videos that will give you some sort of clue about fancy things yes that’s what I’ll do something to give you just enough information to Bluff your way through a fancy dinner did you know that Dan Vinci painted the

Mona Lisa somebody had to hold open the gates for The Barbarians why not me so let’s do it let’s look At whyne the Mountain Dew of upper Society with wine there is only one rule kill or be killed and if you want to survive the night here are six things you should know about wine to you Muggles the words on these bottles must seem like a mystery pie not

No but us landlords we the pink Himalayan salt of the earth we know what they mean they are grape names look upon this grape vine it makes grape berries now there are many different species of grape Berry and whatever the berry species is will determine the type of

Wine this is chardonay so it will make make chardonay Mero grapes they make Mero wine grape names are mostly French gross but for example in English Pon Noir means Black Pine cuz it kind of looks like a black pine cone if you squint here’s some of the other names

You can pause it I’m busy wine grapes are not like the kind you get at the supermarket those are table grapes you can think of it kind of like the difference between cooking chocolate and regular chocolate you can eat them but they’re overly sugary and kind of

Full of seeds and just not as nice to snack on so the grape type is the main word on the bottle but sometimes there are other words as well for example this bogy what the hell is a Chablis it’s all regions allow me to explain through the medium of

Song There’s K NP Bonet also is burgundy don’t forget shab Bordeaux this one’s from Italy this one’s from Italy this one’s from France this one’s from France this one’s from France this one’s from France this this they’re all from France we’re Italy look the general rule is if you

See a turb you don’t understand it’s probably just the French or the Italians being know la dah about their particular region all right let’s move on to price come on I know a place ah we’re here I can tell by the name on the sign now don’t embarrass me

I didn’t bring my ID fiddle TD look at all these bottles so many options o a cheeky $200 bottle and here oh a $20 bottle now I bet this $200 bottle tastes way better right like it’s got to be 10 times better than this one that’s just

Basic math go on though you choose one oh no well was supposed to be a trick question but uh they both taste pretty similar right there’s not some threshold that you get to where it gets more expensive and then it tastes better and then more expensive again and it tastes

Even better until it gets so expensive and so incredible that it’s like nothing you’ve ever had before break through the conditioning this is just old grape juice now if you’re a little by curious about a more expensive bottle sure why not gold letters Grace the label hand engraved by gold Smiths famed wine

Critic described the taste as mindboggling but realistically after about $60 the flavor doesn’t get much better in fact it plateaus out and it can even go down the best quality to price ratio is all the way over here much lower about 20 bucks that’s how much you should spend on a bottle of

Wine now some people will say that I’m putting my heart and soul into this thing I’m making an art a form of art how much is that worth how much is Art worth about 20 bucks ah but what about the vent well look at this a couple of

Cromulent slender necks and they’re the same price as well but this one is from 2019 and this one is from 2022 well surely the older one is the better one right no many people think that wine aging goes like this and the flavor just keeps getting better over time wrong

Wrong wrong the wine at the store has already been aged at the winery I don’t need to be more aged by sitting on this shelf and just collecting dust or spending years at the back of your pantry at home if I’m for sale I’m ready to be consumed I’m ready to have your

Hot lips wrapped around me in fact the general rule goes a corked bottle should be drunk within 5 years and a Capp bottle within 1 year come come there’s more let’s pretend I am a waiter at a restaurant you happen to be wearing a shirt and so

I have mistaken you as a paying customer as a waiter the first thing I will press you about will be food pairings white wine with fish a Mero with pork well kid I’m going to have to pair this truth nugget with something you don’t want to hear the food pairing doesn’t really

Matter it’s all completely subjective it’s cuisine by holoscope it’s food astrology pay no attention to the SAS in the comment section they are bullshitting to upsell uh get the more expensive one it goes better with the spaghetti or they are a Pisces and you shouldn’t trust their opinion anyway

Something else to expect at a restaurant expect to get ripped off by the markup most restaurants add a 250 to 300% markup on their wine and the cheaper the bottle the higher the proportional markup tends to be so a $20 bottle will turn into an $80 bottle but a $100

Bottle may only rise to150 most people get the second cheapest bottle on the menu regardless of the pairing and that’ll do just fine and that’s it no more tips unless you want to leave me one actually you know what I got a [ __ ] tip for you mate add

Time I bet you’re wondering how I got this Cog in my knee that’s because I became the face of incog the service that helps you be forgotten on the internet I used to be a humble florist one day we received a shipment of Forget Me Nots but inexplicably I fell in and ate

A bunch of them I forgot everything that day my address my web browsing habits where I worked what my child’s face looked like I was supposed to pick him up from daycare so that was kind of embarrassing I just picked one of the kids that kind of looks like me we close

Enough have you ever signed up for some dodgy website have you ever dodged up for a legitimate website and they sell all your details onto a dodgy website that’s where I come in incog man and a boy there are da miners out there data collectors creating big servers all

Around the world they take your name your address and your IP and together they make a big profile and that lives forever I am here to send them annoying legal notices to tell him to off take Steve off your database European law this American law that go to incog

Docomo to get 60% off an annual plan the Cog signal I swoop into the data centers legal notice tangle up their processes with admin who are you I don’t know oh wait a minute inan n go to incog docomo ah incog man remember me yes no who’s the kid just we you

See that’s a good deal and over welcome to the wine underground we have our meetings here cuz it stays at a very pleasant temperature you know us wine we control everything we are few but many that doesn’t make sense look at the back of this bottle see the no fat

Chicks logo we put that there it is the symbol of our organization we have a dirty finger in every glass of government and Corporation stuff if you cross us whoops perhaps you’ll have a little accident last year little upstart tried to make wine actually tastes good you know like

How grape soda does cut him up so good he had to get stitches we caught one reporter tried to dig around into our operations we all know how that one ended with an air strip all right my little juice box I’m going to let you in on a secret why is champagne called

Champagne well I’ll tell you it All Began in 1668 in the Abby of St Peter in Northeast France there’s something spooky going on it’s springtime and in the cellar where they keep all the wine bottles would suddenly unexpectedly explode now this was especially common during morning Mass oh ho that’s a bad

Omen sometimes the explosions would cause little chain reactions and bottle after bottle would break down the line ruining the majority of the crop The Peasants were frightened and also parched sacr blue Le wine what is happening the monks would refer to this as the devil’s wine Le wine is cursed Le

God he must be anger at us we need a hero in walks Don Pino he is just the man for the job a Benedict time monk at the Abbey he’s got a new role the Cell Master and it’s his mission to find now what the hell is going on here so don

Starts looking at all the bottles and what he figures out pretty quickly is that the wine itself is releasing gas the gas builds up pressure and why that is happening he doesn’t know but it’s his job to stop it so he gets to work trying all sorts of things to stop his mortal

Enemy the bubbles in the first year he tried insisting that only the youngest grapes be pick perhaps this will stop your Bubbles and it didn’t the next year he changed up how the grapes were pressed push harder we’ll squeeze out the bubbles son of a [ __ ] he tried picking

The grapes very early in the morning and no other time nope and on and on the bubbles would win the battle every year for eight long years he tried all sorts of different things and no strategy worked no no the bubbles eventually he was at the point

Of almost giving up until one day hey what if the wine is still fermenting so he takes a couple of the bottles and he opens them huh it is we ferment the wine once it’s done it goes into the bottle how does it then start fermenting again

How is that possible and here the mystery was solved so it turns out in North France they have very fast changing seasons and owing to that the yeast doesn’t actually get time to do its job instead it would get cold very quickly in the winter and all the yeast

Would go dormant then the wine makers would go oh brilliant fermentation slowed down it must be done they would then bottle it and they would store it but once summer came back around the process would spring back to life and carbon dioxide would build up and okay he thinks I cannot check change

The climate perhaps I shall not win the war against the bubbles now the bubbles are his enemy and he has another enemy the English therefore the enemy of his enemy or something anyway he starts talking to the English and he goes hey how do you guys stop your bottles from

Exploding and the British go you want my core will peep at how thin the bloody glass be in it thin glass is the problem than thank you for using this test to speech preview for a paid version please go to see the English have created new Cal fired bottles with much thicker

Glass then they put a cork in the top and it allows them to make very foamy beer that’s right he could just use thicker bottles and he won’t have to worry about stopping the Bubbles at all so Dom goes running back to France he’s panting he’s sweating and there’s

Bits of Bree on his shirt he’s going bit of bottles bit of bottles everyone’s confused and terrified but they give it a shot and there it was the people of France loved it I I love this new style even the French Royals were enjoying new wine TM he even started adding extra

Yeast and sugar to really get the bubbles going and so Dom Pinon had created what we call today champagne now there’s a 19th century marketing campaign that says the moment he Uncorked his champagne for the first time he tried it and said come quickly come quickly I am tasting the stars but

That’s actually a myth he never really said that but there’s still a problem and this one Dom cannot fix the pulp if you bottle wine while it’s still fermenting so that you can keep the bubbles in you’re also trapping in a bunch of dead yeast and debris and gross

Particles too also it’s all cloudy not no we want it clear we want it crystall looking how will we ever solve this problem Dom Dies 1805 in walks Madame Cleo she’s just a man for the job I’m also French I have come to remove all Z little beats I will clench my teeth together and go p p back into the bottle now Madame Cleo was a very shrewd lady her husband died when

She was in her early 20s my husband is dead LOL and part of the estate she was bequ waste included a winery she immediately got to work making it into a successful business I shall invent a process called lay riddling here’s what you do right you put these bottles on a

Rack at a 35° angle with the top facing down every 2 days she would give the bottle a little shake and slightly increase the ankle after 8 to 10 weeks all of the sediment would come to rest in the neck of the bottle all right quick tangent did you know that when you

Increase the salt concentration in water you can drop its temperature down much lower without it freezing tangent over so she takes this Subzero salt water and dips the neck of the bottle in there then lets it sit until the neck freezes now you have a sort of Frozen cork

Filled with all of the gross pulp and then you simply pop off the top and the whole thing goes shooting out as a fun prank for your friends and family then they add in a little more extra base wine and sugar and leave it to age and

With that Cleo has just created a clear sparkling wine and that is riddling and Madame Cleo is the Riddler so Dom Pon and Madame Cleo are both credited as The Godfather and godmother of Champa today the D and click brands are owned by lvmh the same parent company that owns Louis Baton

Tagu Tiffany and Co Hennessy actually pretty much every luxury brand but why is it called champagne well that’s cuz it comes from the Champagne region you dummy and anything else with bubbles is just sparkling wine oh it’s you I was just looking out over the sunset you know you know how it

Is thinking about stuff that happened in the past I remember it all too well it was literally 1984 I was walking home with my parents from the Opera come on keep up we’re nearly there hey let’s take a little shortcut they said we can cut through

Here we were walking down a well lit alleway it was nothing but quaint restaurants and Beast stros then suddenly a man holding a bottle of chz came out of nowhere just a Tipple he said I was terrified I knew nothing about wine go on he said my hands were

Shaking knees weak arms heavy complex Aroma wouldn’t you say very good tenant oh really yep what’s a Tannon I don’t know my parents died from embarrassment right there on the spot Mommy I’m sorry Daddy just a tiple tile Tipple it’s too late for me but I don’t want the same

Thing to happen to you that’s why we have to learn about how to serve wine so you’ve bought a bottle of wine to show your friends and family how successful and sophisticated you are did you know that D Vinci painted the Mona Lisa so let’s go through how to serve

The big three white red and champagne let’s say you’ve bought Champagne that bottle goes in the fridge champagne is served cold always to open peel off the the foil and do not aim it at your face then Twist Off the metal thing if you want people to think you’re fancy use the proper word muet mus it helps to contain the pressure again

Don’t a this thing at your face it’s really worth repeating the PSI inside a champagne bottle is 70 to 90 that puts it in the same league as a nail gun so the cor comes out at about 50 m an hour and if you’re in a house you want to

Hold on to it very firmly with your hand if you Bezos or you just won the Grand Prix fling it over some ladies but if you want to be really fancy you can use a sword for think this has been a tradition for a couple hundred years popularized by Napoleon

After each Victory the Army would use their Sabers to crack One open for the boys but the sword’s just ceremonial you can use pretty much any blunt object to knock off the top a phone a shoe this fish head if it’s cold it shouldn’t Fizz over too

Much but you might want to have someone on the side with a ready glass the glass type should either be a tulip or a flute although if you’ve seen The Great Gatsby you may notice that they use these up until the mid 1900s people used coups that’s because back in the day excessive

Effervescence wasn’t very cool so these cups helped actually dispel the bubbles faster in fact sometimes they’ even use a small whisk or a fork to dissipate all the bubbles now there’s actually an old myth that the shape and size of the coupe was molded from one of Marie Antoinette’s

Booos but it’s probably not true eventually bubbles became a fancy feature so the flute was adopted they can be made from glass but preferably they’re made from Crystal so that they Shimmer as much as possible and the best best flutes would also feature a small rough spot right there at the center of

The glass at the bottom to create a sort of tornado of bubbles anyway as you pour tilt sideways so it is an all head and don’t pour more than 2/3 full done white wine white wine is best served chilled too 10 to 15° though not fridge cold use

A small glass bowl and pour to about half full and when you Dr do a little sniff test and you know aate it a bit then hold it down low on the stem so your hands don’t heat up the liquid if it’s not to your taste cut it with 50%

Sprite and add a few ice cubes done Reds red wine is not chilled it is served at a room temperature when you first open it you’re supposed to let it sit for a while to oxidize that gives it more flavor although if you don’t want weight you can just pour it into a

Decanter that does the same thing to drink from we want a big bowl on a stick so you get a full face of the Aromas of the great blood when you pour the thing fill it about 1/3 full that’s pretty much it however when it comes to wine snobbery

Red wine snobbery is at the top of the maslo hierarchy crushed White Rock it’s like almost like a rock quy oh my God shut up and there’s a taste t thing that people do and they all go a bit mental and it’s kind of gross and it looks dumb

But if you think you’re ready ready for the alterate test ready to take the one chip challenge of enology then here’s how you do it when the waiter comes over insist on taking a Teensy sample inspect for color Clarity and legs legs refers to how viscous the

Wine is smell it m smells like a red one swirl it around on the table making a loud scratching noise so that everyone knows you’re a coniss swirling the wine glasses almost like turning up the volume on the stereo when you taste it you’re supposed to get

It over every part of your mouth so that when you brush your teeth laser it’s awful then take in big sips of air this is where you comment on the texture and taste complex notes you yell across the room now this is the best part you can just make [ __ ] up about vanilla

Smatterings or citrusy undercurrents I swear there’s a hint of blueberry it’s one of those things that’s kind of true but subjective enough that no one can really refute you so make a big show of it there is a little bit of an earthiness almost a graphite clay note

To this it’s a little bit meaty it’s a little bit sort of um uh uh rustic there are definitely hints here of monster Ultra sugar-free if this is a taste test and your sampling does dozens of wines you want to spit out the sample into this gross bucket so you don’t get too

Drunk do not ask the waiter if you can drink from the bucket it’s the waiter’s privilege and he’s very protective of it and that is how to serve wine okay that’s a lot of [ __ ] on wine people and we shouldn’t get bullied but let me do a quick

180 because overall wine is good and a little wine snobbery can be good also being into wine is one of the great dad Hobbies one day you will have a model train set in your basement complete with a little walking path in the grass just right the best part about this hobby is

Building the thing getting it just perfect and then making people sit there while you explain the little trains in excruciating detail of how they work now the fun of Warhammer that’s when you save up for the little Space Marine man you take him out of the

Packet you put on a podcast with some Warhammer in the background um of all the prim marks Horus is the best kisser and you slowly paint it yourself and then you argue with your mates later about why the necro files are the best race there are people that spend like

Tens of thousands of dollars on coffee machines and equipment and then it takes like an hour to make a coffee and it’s like only 5% better maybe than the ones you get at the cafe now I could be Mr killoy in coming go what’s the point of

That why not just buy it from the cafe why not just get a prepainted Space Marine why not have someone else just install the train set but then there’s no ceremony there’s no fun there’s no hobby wine is very similar they’re getting a little bit too obsessive about

The thing and being like some lemon lemon zest as well lemon pith M super Tangy is the purpose of wine it’s the fun of wine which is why wine is better than just some old grape juice and you [ __ ] wine loser snobs you know what you’re all

Right and that’s about it there’s just one last thing left the Practical come on my little nvo beish I booked out a whole restaurant they serve some of the best blue whale Kev are here all right you did it you sat through the whole video without crying I think this calls for a

Toast that’s steady now uhoh I can’t believe you killed again but it’s okay I feel like we’re becoming close friends who can keep secrets and stuff and because we’re such close friends I’m going to keep teaching you things that’s right you’re going to be just like me

I just cannot tell which of this is blood and W wine by the way this is the second video If you haven’t seen the first one which is on fancy at the theater go look at it over here but there’s also fancy the Arts on Incognito that’s already live and there’s the next

Incognito on its way do not forget story mode do not forget incog and do not forget to dream