Dining Etiquette: how to master the basic table manners

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I am Jamila Musayeva, an international social etiquette consultant and the author of two books “Etiquette: the least you need to know” and “Afternoon Tea Etiquette.” My books are available in English language in print only. If you wish to order, please email info@jamilamusayeva.com or my website: https://jamilamusayeva.com/order-books

In this video, I share with you the most essential table manners rules when it comes to formal dinning. This is your go-to video to watch in preparation for a formal dinner.

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Hello, I’m Jamila Musayeva, an international  social etiquette consultant and author of the   book “Etiquette: The Least You Need to Know.”  In today’s video, I’m going to be telling you   about what is the least that you need to know  about dining etiquette. Before I get started,  

Let’s address two questions. Number one,  what are table manners? Table manners are   basically your behavior around the table, so  how you hold cutlery, how you eat, and even   what kind of conversation you hold all make a  part of table manners. The second question that  

People often ask me is why do we even need table  manners, especially in today’s world where our   restaurants are casual dining places and we often  have informal dining experiences? The truth is,   you need to have good table manners for your own  good. You will feel more comfortable at the table,  

And you’ll put others at the table at ease with  your good manners. So, whatever the occasion,   whatever the degree of formality the dinner  is, make sure you put your best foot forward. Let’s talk about seating arrangements. Where  should you sit if you’re a guest and you are  

Invited by a host or you say, your date? Then,  you would wait for him or her to gesture to the   seat and take your seat afterwards. If you’re  the host, then you do the same. You will point  

To the seat that’s intended for your guests,  and he or she will take their seat. So,   the rule of thumb is that the guests always get  the best seats, meaning he or she will be facing  

The main area or the entrance, so he or she will  get the best view. If you have multiple guests,   then one guest will be your guest of honor, and  you should save that best seat for him or her.

Now that we have seated down, we need to  remember a couple of things. Number one,   don’t slouch. Don’t sit like this. Roll your  shoulders backwards, straighten your back, and   sit straight. Number two, don’t press your back to  the back of the chair. Imagine you have a little  

Kitten behind your back, so you are not pressing  the little kitten. Leave some space between the   back of the chair and your own back. Number three,  do not place your elbows on the table when eating.   However, it is acceptable to place your elbows  on the table whenever you’re taking a break  

Between the meal to have a conversation. Number  four: According to American dining etiquette,   you’re supposed to leave your hands on your lap  whenever they’re not holding cutlery. In French   dining etiquette, you’re supposed to always rest  your wrist on the table so that your hands remain  

Visible to your dining partners at all times.  This comes from an old, outdated notion that   you might be holding some weapon in your hand  and hiding it on your lap underneath the table.

The question that I get asked a lot is what should  I do with my phone or my bag? The general rule is   that whatever does not belong to the dining  experience by itself should be held away from  

The table. That applies to your phone and your  bag. You should silence your phone before sitting   down and put it in your pocket or your bag. If  it’s a large bag, you can place it on a special  

Little chair designed for that bag, or you can ask  for a bag holder, which looks like a hook, and you   can hang your bag from there. Alternatively, you  can also place your bag on an empty chair nearby.

It is acceptable to place your bag behind your  back but only in very rare cases. If you have a   small bag that’s like a clutch, you can place it  on your lap and cover it with a napkin. Whatever  

You do, do not place your bag on a ground  level. In some cultures and some traditions,   it is seen as disrespectful to place a  bag on the ground, and it shows that you   don’t respect the money that you’re holding in  your bag. So, always keep it off the ground.

Let’s now look at our dining table. Where  should I start? This is my dinner table   setting. I have a napkin, a plate, soup  spoons, a salad fork and knife, a main   course fork and knife, a dessert fork,  a dessert spoon, and a dessert box. The  

Dessert box should be much smaller than  this, but this is what I’m going to serve,   and I’ll be using it next. I also have a bread  plate where I’m going to eat my bread, and I   have a butter knife. The interesting part about  this knife is that unlike traditional knives,  

It has a dull blade and is used to scoop the  butter and spread it, rather than cut it. Next, I have my glasses. So, in order  not to confuse which one belongs to whom,   I’m going to make the letters B and D  with my fingers. Where B is pointing,  

That’s where my bread plate and butter knife  are, and where D is pointing, that’s where the   glasses are. In order not to confuse it with  that of your dining partners, use this trick. Now that you are seated down, you unfold the  napkin. If you’re the host, you do it first to  

Indicate it to your guests. You can do it in  two ways: one with fold lines facing outward   like this, or the other way around when you have  the folded lines facing inwards towards you. I   actually prefer this way because I can basically  have my fingers and leave the stains inside,  

So from the outside, my napkin looks perfectly  clean. Once you place the napkin on your lap,   you would use it to gently wipe your fingers and  also dab your lips with it if necessary. If you  

Are going to the bathroom and you will be back,  you would place a napkin on the chair to indicate   that you will be coming back. If you are leaving  the table for good and you’re not coming back,  

Then you would place the napkin on the left  side of the plate and gently fold it. There’s   no need to shape it back to its original shape,  and you can just leave the table. If you happen  

To drop your napkin, you can pick it up if you’re  okay with that, or you can also indicate to the   waiter that you want a new one. The glasses also  often get confused about which glass is for what.  

There’s no need to worry about it because the  waiter or the son Leo would usually fill your   glass. But it’s good to know what is for what.  Let’s look at this arrangement here. Generally,   the taller glasses should be behind the shorter  glasses, or the glasses are often arranged in  

The order of their height from the tallest  to the shortest. Look at my arrangement. I   can see that I have a glass for water, one  for white wine, and a glass of champagne. So let’s start with a water goblet. It usually  doesn’t have a stem like you see in this case,  

And you hold the water goblet by the bottom  of the bowl like this. This is a quite   recognizable glass. It’s a champagne glass.  It’s longer and thin. The shape assures that   the bubbles in the champagne stay intact  while you’re enjoying your drink. Also,  

Make sure that you hold this glass by  the stem so your fingers are not actually   touching the bowl and are not warming  up the drink while you’re drinking it. This is a white wine glass. Unlike the red wine  glass, which is shorter and larger, this glass  

Is longer and thinner. The white wine glass is  shorter and larger because red wines have much   broader taste notes, and they need more area to  breathe. With the red wine glass, both hold by the  

Bottom of the bowl. So imagine this: a red wine  glass, you will hold it like this. For the white   wine glass, you have to hold it by the stem so you  don’t warm up your drink while you’re drinking it.

So let’s get started with our meal. Before  you start, watch your host to commence. If   he or she starts to eat, then it’s time to enjoy  your meal. If you’re in a large group of people,   then you would wait for everyone to be served  with their meal, and then you’ll start to eat.  

The bread plate is used to enjoy a piece of  bread, and I use a butter knife to pick the   butter and spread it on their bread piece, and  then I’m going to enjoy one bite at a time.

The first meal that I’m going to be enjoying  is soup. I’m going to use the soup spoon,   dip it in the center of the bowl, take it to  the opposite edge of the bowl, slide gently,   and then bring the spoon to my mouth in  order to make sure that I don’t spill  

Any on my lap. For my second course, I’m  going to have a salad. I’m going to use   a salad knife. I will show you two  ways of eating, and one is American,   which I’m going to currently show you. So you cut  one bite of mozzarella and tomato at a time. Then  

You would place your knife and switch your  work to the other hand and eat it like that. The other way is the European or Continental  way of dining where I would just use the fork   and knife and in the same way and use it to  cut my tomato and mozzarella. And then what’s  

Going to happen? I’m going to leave the knife in  my hand and eat it like that. Here I have my main   course, which is chicken breast with Parmesan.  I’m going to use the main course fork and a  

Main course knife to cut the chicken breast one  piece at a time. When you’re done with the meal,   you place your fork and knife in a position 12 to  6 o’clock with tines facing upwards or downwards,  

Like the French dining etiquette does usually, or  you can also place it in a position of 10:00 to   4:00 o’clock just like this, with a fork facing  tines facing down or facing up. It’s up to you. Once you’ve finished your main course,  it’s now time to enjoy the dessert. This  

Is a perfect time to excuse yourself from  the table and use the bathroom if you wish   to. Here I have a dessert fork and a dessert  spoon. I will slide them to the both sides  

Effective sites. I’m going to be using a fork  as a holder and a spoon to cut as a knife. So   I’m going to hold the dessert with a fork and  cut it with the spoon, then use the fork to  

Push any remaining particles that I want on  my spoon and use a spoon to eat my dessert. Once you’re done eating your dinner, it’s  time to indicate to the waiter that you’re   expecting the bill. You can do so by having  eye contact with a waiter or by raising your  

Hands at your elbow. Once you have paid the bill,  it’s time to leave. You should take your napkin,   fold it not too neatly, and place it on the left  side of your plate and leave. If you’re the host,   youshould indicate to your guests that  it’s time to leave. If you’re a guest,  

You should watch the host do so and leave. On a final note, if this was a dinner you were  invited to, make sure you send a thank-you   message to the host the next day. If you  really truly loved the dinner experience,  

You might also consider sending flowers with  a beautifully handwritten thank-you note. I   guarantee you a beautiful handwritten  thank-you note will serve you a long,   long way. Thank you so much for watching  this video, and I hope you really enjoyed  

It as much as I enjoyed filming this  for you. I’ll see you next time. Bye.  you [Music]