I will start by saying this post is all in good fun and I love my job. I just need to blow off some steam and I thought some might find it funny… 😅
I recently started working at a wine bar with almost zero knowledge of wine. I'm just a server, I'm not expected to be an expert, and I know it will come with time. I just want to do well and give good recommendations but damn is it daunting to learn it all! I made these flash cards because I'm tired of "I'll take the Willamette chardonnay." Now I have to run, look at the menu, and find it before I ring it in. Or worse "what is your best pinot noir?" I just fake it and open the menu in their hands to "show them" the list because I FORGOT THEM ALL.
Besides, what do you mean "best"? That's pretty subjective; what do you like? Actually, don't tell me because I don't know which one is dry, full-bodied, with a smooth finish. They all taste like rotten grapes. Do you like the taste of rotten grapes? Then have I got a wine for you! It's this one right here, the most expensive one. $15 a glass and it tastes exactly like rotten grapes and soggy oak trees. Yum!
Oh you don't like wine? Can I interest you in our beer list? This one tastes just like you took some old grains and tiny bugs and let them soak for a while. Or this one tastes like cold piss. Or perhaps this one, it tastes like a burp before it leaves your mouth!
Again, I love my job. And I'm trying! I'm really trying! I just can't seem to taste green apple, dark plum, red fruit/black fruit, wet gravel, roasted pepper, oak, butter, vanilla… it basically all tastes the same! I've found some variance in whites but red is the hardest to enjoy. I'll keep tasting and trying but I just wish it was EASIER! I wish remembering them all was EASIER!
by missmarie9519